Wednesday, April 22, 2015

Private

One of the arguments the hubs and I have occasionally is over our differing opinions on what is too much information to share. I tend to be a more enthusiastic and an open share-er on social media (and in person) whereas he tends to be more private. Neither of us is wrong, it's just that my tendencies make him more uncomfortable than his make me in this particular case. SO, I try, (I really do) to consider him before posting, not to be like him but to honor him. I don't run everything by him so I'm pretty much constantly making him uncomfortable, lol, BUT it could be so much worse. After eleven years of marriage, whether you believe it or not, I bite my metaphorical tongue often and refrain from posting/sharing, etc.

All of that is simply background information to better understand the drastic shift I'm feeling right now. Maybe it's reactionary, there have been too many cases to count lately where I've tried to have conversations with people via facebook and they have gotten ugly fast (not always my doing). Maybe it's preparatory, as we head into fostering, I'm just going to have to be more private. Maybe it's cyclical...you know, that cycle. Maybe it's a little of everything but regardless of the why the how is that I pretty much sanitized my profile yesterday. I have a little bit more work to do before my current feelings are content but I'm just not feeling like I want to be such an open book anymore. One too many hurts. One too many misinterpretations. One to many judgments. One too many opinions. It's all left me feeling like I need to do a better job of protecting myself and heart.

Like I said above, I'm not really sure if this is all a good thing or something I'll get over in a few days but my heart has been very, very, sad the last few days. People can really suck. Especially when they don't have to say such hurtful things to your face. And I know I can be just as bad. So that's where a lot of the sadness comes from, I guess. Now I'm just rambling. Anyways...we'll see where this goes. 

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