Who Switched Off My Brain?

Book Review: Who Switched Off My Brain? Controlling Toxic Thoughts and Emotions by Dr. Carloline Leaf

This book was recommended by a MOPS speaker I heard a couple years ago and I finally got around to checking it out from the library. It's GOOD. Or I should say the last chapter is GREAT. The first 4 chapters are very medical with lots of good descriptions and illustrations...and A LOT of medical jargon. Chapter 5 is all about kids, a must read for parents and Chapter 6 (at least it's a short book!) is the clincher for me and the reason I want certain people in my life (those plagued by pessimism and negativity) to read this book! Basically it's a doctor telling you that 1) toxic thoughts/emotions are actually bad for you- they affect your physical health as well as mental and should be/need to be dealt with and 2) that you actually CAN learn to control your thoughts and emotions. I feel like I learned these things during college somehow (I'm sure it was God and all the counselors I saw and support groups I was a part of) and it drives me nutso when people I love say they have no control over their thoughts/emotions. You do! You can learn coping mechanisms and change. It will not be easy or probably fast but your body and everyone who knows you (and yourself) will be so grateful you put the time and energy into it! And here's a very short, easy to read book that might just have some great ideas for you. Don't give up on the first 4 chapters, skim them (I did), but soak up chapters 5 and 6!! (Just for the record, I'm not even close to being perfect or even great at controlling my thoughts and emotions but I am way (way, way, way) better at it than I used to be and I would love it if everyone could experience the same freedom!)

Some of my favorite quotes:

"The worst thing you can do for your health is to deny, block, or suppress emotions whether they are good or bad. This makes them extremely toxic.

"Therefore one of the coping mechanisms you can develop to detoxify your brain involves not responding immediately to emotions you may feel strongly. Rather, acknowledge what you feel, and if it becomes clear an emotion is toxic, you can begin a process of learning to let it go."

"Remember that perceptions are emotionally based and unreliable. Emotional perceptions are designed to create alertness, to guide but not to rule. You need to take them captive, tame and control them, take the opportunity to evaluate them thoroughly before believing them and acting upon them. If not, you allow your emotional perceptions to take over and rule you. If they happen to be negative or destructive emotions, you set the scene for irrational behavior, bad decision making and harmful reactions in both body and mind."

"Emotions by their very nature are meant to be felt and expressed. They are a moving, dynamic, pulsing mass of electromagnetic and chemical reactions. They do not disappear or die. Somewhere, sometime they will erupt unless given an outlet. You must deal with them, because the more you may try to suppress them, the harder they will try to be heard."

"Society constantly gives us opportunities for toxic thoughts which take root in our minds and spread their poison through our bodies."

"The next time you think you don't have time for exercise or relaxation, think again. The reality is simply that you have chosen to fill your time with activities and things other than exercise and relaxation. Focus on what is good for you. Like many of us, you manage to fill your day with an endless list of things, small or large, which are not vital to your interests. If you constantly focus on the little things, you may ignore the big things that ultimately determine your health, success and happiness."

2013

For years now, I've set goals (not resolutions) every January 1st. I've had ranging levels of "success". Ultimately I would say every year has been successful because I've achieved some of what I want too that I wouldn't have if I hadn't written it done and set the goals. But something feels different this year. I feel motivated to be the person, the wife, the mom, I want for my kids- instead of just wanting to be her.

I've been re-watching some really motivating talks I watched/listened to this summer from The Willow Creek Leadership Summit and I have a "plan". I'm going to try and live life this year focused on 3 things: 1) to grow in my relationship with God, 2) to love my husband and kids better, and 3) to simplify my home and life. I say try, because I think there will be a learning curve and I know myself, I'll forget what I'm aiming at and have to re-calibrate occasionally throughout the year. I also say try because I know what God has done with my 'plans' before and since my biggest priority this year is to grow my relationship with Him...I know I need to be open to Him shaking things up!

I'm going to pair my 2013 focuses with Bill Hybels 6x6 idea, only changing it to 4x4. (He chooses the 6 most important things that he needs to focus on for the next 6 weeks and the pours everything into those priorities, letting others go or delegating, etc). And I want to coordinate this with my church's 2013 calendar. This is something new this year where all members received a calendar with prayer requests for each month. I'm so excited to see what God does when our whole body is praying in unison!!

2013 Focus Statement:
To grow in my relationship with God, love my husband and kids better, and simplify my home and life.

To grow with God:

• I want to pursue God daily, alone and with my children. Weekly with women and my church. 
• In order to do this I need regular and sacred quiet times. I will make this happen, by getting up early, staying up late, letting other things go, whatever it takes. This is my top priority in 2013.  
• Read my Bible regularly, aiming for 5+ days/week with no specific goal (like read the whole thing in a year). Although I'd love to read the whole thing this year, I haven't had much success with that since kids entered the picture and don't want to let 'falling behind' keep me from any reading at all.
• Continue prioritizing the Monday night women's studies at AC3.
• I want to incorporate God into my daily routines with kids. Praying before meals, etc. 
• Read the 'spiritual' books I've collected but have never gotten to, prioritize these before "for fun" reading. (See my list here)

To love my husband and kids better:

• I need to make sure I'm taking care of my physical and emotional needs. I think I easily fall into the trap of taking care of everyone else first and then having nothing left over for myself. Then I snap or break or breakdown, and that's not good for anyone! This is more like my traditional 'lists' of goals for a new year. 
• Get my haircut more than twice this year! I'm aiming for once a season with the ultimate goal of taking care of my hair enough to donate to Locks of Love again. I just need a couple more inches before I have the minimum 10 inches. 
• Regularly take time for myself: massages, pedicures, etc. My insurance will pay for 10 massages a year...why have I not been taking advantage of this??! I'd like to get my toes done at least once a season too. Starting with green in March before Baby arrives!
• Lose the baby weight! Baby is due mid-March, if I'm cleared to workout by the end of April I'm planning on a 5K in the summer and a 10K in the fall. Lose weight has been a goal of mine for at least the last 5-ish years. This year has to be different, I have to be a healthy mom to set an example for my kids and feel healthy for myself. 
• Start by walking on the treadmill at least 3 times/week for at least 10 minutes through rest of pregnancy. This seems reasonable and achievable. 
• Schedule 1 day/month to stay home alone to clean or be crafty or even just read. Arrange child care, trade child care, ship the husband and toddler off to the in-laws, whatever it takes! 
• Write more. Blog more frequently- quit waiting for 'inspiration' or the perfect topic. This really helps me clear my head and process things. 
• Get a tattoo...maybe two. The first one will be a Griffin...the second one is still waiting to be named. 
• Plan and execute two 'girls only' weekends. One pre-baby, one post-baby. (Post baby one will have to be with baby in tow, but that's okay. No husband or toddler though!)
• Read the marriage/parenting books sitting on my shelf. (See list here)

To simplify my home and life:

• Decorate house with pictures and art! We've lived here 6 years already and Pumpkin Pie is two years old, it's time to get some pictures on the walls! (And I have pinterest to thank for inspiration!)
• Simplify. Get rid of stuff we don't need/use. De-clutter.
• Finish (start) organizing and scanning Grandma's pictures. Mail to Carolyn.
• Make shutterfly (or something similar) books...before I fall even further behind with two kids!
• Craft more- finish projects I've been holding onto, or scrap them. (See list here)

Other:

• Visit Grandma Ruth- introduce new baby.
• Read the books I own but have never read...at least one shelf of the three. At the end of 2013, donate any books I know I'll never get to (the ones that have been on this list for years and years).  If I haven't read them at this point, chances are they're never going to be high enough on my priority list and I should just quit storing them. (See list here)

Christmas

I must be turning into a girl/woman...or getting older...or be pregnant.

I'm incredibly emotional tonight.

Moved by THE story of Christmas.

Moved by time with family and their generosity.

I'm reminded of just how much I've been given. And how the only requirement is to go and do the same.

I've been forgiven, how can I not therefore forgive.

I know a lot of people who don't understand this whole personal-relationship-with-Jesus-Christ- thing and don't feel like they can have faith when there is so much evil in the world. Especially after last week.

I get it, I really do.

All I can say is...when you've been saved, you can't not have faith. And I don't use that term lightly. I mean literally saved. Like a drowning person who is rescued. Like a person in a burning building is rescued.

I've been saved, and tonight I'm thinking about a very young girl and her young fiance, bravely facing the scariest thing imaginable...labor and delivery alone in a stable. And I'm thinking about how God says He did all of that because He loves me. And He would do it only for me. Just for me.

Blows my mind.

Makes me want to press into this God and His word. Grow closer to the one who loves me so.

I hope you check Him out. Or ask me about Him. Or ask someone you know and trust about Him. You'll never be the same.

Merry Christmas!

Prepping...

I love this time of year. I love the colder weather, sweater, and scarfs. I love the lights, the Christmas spirit, and of course all the treats! I'm actually not a big gift person- as much as I love giving gifts, I really don't like receiving them. It makes me uncomfortable and I don't know why. But what I love MOST about this time of year, is NEWness. I am looking forward to January and a new year and fresh starts. I'm prepping for my 2013 goals (resolutions) by doing a couple things:

1) Watching the DVD's from some of the speakers at this year's Leadership Summit.
2) Reading The Peacemaker with hopes of repairing a lost friendship and learning to 'fight better' deal with conflict in healthier ways.
3) Reading Necessary Endings: The Employees, Businesses, and Relationships That All of Us Have to Give Up in Order to Move Forward with the hopes of making a solid decision about selling our house or staying put.
4) Reviewing Experiencing God the Bible study I just finished with an awesome group of women at my church to see trends and big ideas God brought to my heart and mind for 2013.
5) Hanging up my church's calendar! I'm so excited for this in 2013- an entire year with everyone praying for the same things each month. God is going to do big things, I just know it!

I know January 1st is just another day but there is something about the idea of fresh starts and new beginnings that gets me so excited every year!

Now I just need to get me a 2013 day-planner :)

Post script

I've also realized my joy is still fragile. I may have figured out how to be joyful...but maintaining it is still a daily choice. One that I have to work hard at. Some days are harder than others. But no days are easy. So although I am a positive, optimistic, joyful person...it doesn't take much negativity, pessimism, or misery to bring me crashing down.

So I tend to avoid those types of people or debate/fight them if avoidance is impossible.

I wish life, like Facebook, had the 'hide' feature and I could always prep myself before ingesting their poison. That sounds harsh but for me it's true. It's a terrible analogy but it's like any sober person will tell you...the addiction is always right there, underneath the surface. I have to brace myself and prepare my heart and mind, to love these people...to walk back into the bar for them.

It's literally a battle between my love for my friends and family who fit this description, to accept them right where they are, and my sanity. Occasionally I have to speak up to protect myself.

Like I said yesterday, I still have a long way to go. And many more 'fruits' to grow. But I do no good for anyone, especially those that I love that struggle with joy, if I'm joy-less. I'm learning it's actually okay and good/necessary to set boundaries that are loving and respectful in both directions.

But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, forbearance, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control. Against such things there is no law. Galatians 5:22-23

Joy

I've had at least two conversations this last week with two different people that have had me thinking a lot about this topic of Joy. Those conversations have caused me a lot of pain, so this comes out of me processing some of the hard emotions. Just wanted to share where I'm at 7 days, and 2 days later.

Remember this is my blog and the title is notions. The dictionary definition of notion is 1. a general understanding; vague or imperfect conception or idea of something: a notion of how something should be done: 2. and opinion, view, or belief: 3. conception or idea. SO the follow is simply my notions...please read everything with a prayerful heart and with the best of intentions in mind.

Happiness is fickle. Fleeting. Not to be trusted. Not rooted in the Truth of the Bible or God's love. Happiness does not take into account God's ways and plans, eternity, etc. For instance: I am not happy that the housing market crashed and we have 'lost' $90,000+ since 'investing'. But I was happy when we bought the house. And I am happy with the house (room to grow, great neighborhood, etc). And my unhappiness has nothing to do with God, his plans, etc. It's entirely tied to the idea that we should have made money in the last 6 years living here- not lost it.

And happiness is different than JOY. 

Joy is permanent. REAL. Truly a 'fruit of the Spirit', based on the life changing and life giving love of God. It is something that is truly attainable in the midst of any and all circumstances. I am still filled with joy despite being unhappy with many things. Another example: I am not happy to have heartburn with this pregnancy but I am joyful to be pregnant again! I am not happy to face labor and delivery again (in fact I'm terrified) but I am joyful to hold another child in my arms and expand our family.

For me, the difference between a joyful life and misery-ful life comes down simply to a choice. Which dog do you choose to feed? The white dog or the black dog? I could choose to feed my black dog by focusing on the things that are wrong with my life (black dog)- a Master's degree with no available jobs, an upside down mortgage, a broken garage door, etc. OR I can choose to focus on the things that are 'right' with my life (white dog)- an incredible husband and son, numerous family and friends, a roof over my head, food on my table, etc.

What I'd like you to know about me is that my joy is real and authentic. I am not a 'fake' happy person. Through practice and a lot of help from above, I feed the white dog. So much so that it's now actually hard for me to think about the black dog or even want to feed him...most of the time. I was not always like this- this is a big change from who I used to be and so I attribute all of it to God's redeeming love and point it out as a 'fruit' of His Spirit working in me. I'm still human. I still get down, depressed, frustrated, etc. with the circumstances of life and challenging relationships but in general, I have discovered that what Paul says in Philippians 4 is true.

See if you don't recognize the white dog/black dog analogy in these verses (emphasis mine):

Philippians 4: 4-9, 12-13 , "Rejoice in the Lord always. I will say it again: Rejoice! Let your gentleness be evident to all. The Lord is near. Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable- if anything is excellent or praiseworthy - think about such things. Whatever you have learned or received or heard from me, or seen in me- put it into practice. And the God of peace will be with you....I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want. I can do all this through him who gives me strength."

I used to think I had no power over my thoughts and emotions but the Bible tells us otherwise! (Again, I will never say this is, will be, or should be easy...but it is possible.)

2 Corinthians 10: 3-5, "For though we live in the world, we do not wage war as the world does. The weapons we fight with are not the weapons of the world. On the contrary, the have divine power to demolish strongholds. We demolish arguments and every pretension that sets itself up against the knowledge of God, and we take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ."

In this passage I feel convicted that not taking my thoughts captive is disobedience. I'm not always successful but I tend to be more successful when, like 2 Corinthians says, I use weapons with divine power (think Ephesians 6:10-18 and the full armor of God).

Lastly, lest you think that joy is the only thing I care about and that I would condemn you for not being joyful, may I remind you that 1) I wasn't always like this, 2) this is the result of God working in me- not something I could have done or did do on my own, 3) there is more than one 'fruit of the Spirit' and I have a long way to go.

Galatians 5:1, 7-9, 13-23  (again, emphasis mine), "It is for freedom that Christ has set us free. Stand firm, then, and do not let yourselves be burdened again by a yoke of slavery...You were running a good race. Who cut in on you to keep you from obeying the truth? That kind of persuasion does not come from the one who calls you. "A little yeast works through the whole batch of dough."...You, my brothers and sisters, were called to be free. But do not use your freedom to indulge the flesh; rather, serve one another humbly in love. For the entire law is fulfilled in keeping this one command: "Love your neighbor as yourself." If you bite and devour each other, watch out or you will be destroyed by each other. So I say, walk by the Spirit, and you will not gratify the desires of the flesh. For the flesh desires what is contrary to the Spirit, and the Spirit contrary to the flesh. They are in conflict with each other, so that you are not to do whatever you want. But if you are led by the Spirit, you are not under the law. The acts of the flesh are obvious: sexual immorality, impurity and debauchery; idolatry and witchcraft; hatred, discord, jealousy, fits of rage, selfish ambition, dissension, factions and envy; drunkenness, orgies, and the like. I warn you as I did before, that those who live like this will not inherit the kingdom of God. But the fruit of the Spirit is love, JOY, peace, forbearance, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control. Against such things there is no law.

And that is why, at the end of this incredibly hard week filled with a lot of hurt, I am still authentically joy-filled and cannot be convinced to be otherwise.

Wow! I didn't plan on writing a sermon and I best stop now...but I want to continue (tomorrow or later this week) because the passage from Galatians ties in seamlessly with this week from the Bible study I've been participating in for the last 11 weeks. How cool is that?! God is pretty amazing,  how He can work all things together for good (Romans 8: 28). And that ties into where I'm feeling convicted currently...where I feel God's Spirit doing some pretty intense work in my heart- it's not pretty! Like I said, I have a loooooong way to go!

Thankful

I consider myself a fairly thankful, grateful, joyful person. I haven't always been this way. In fact, I would say it is one of the areas God has grown me the most in my adult life. But I wanted to share a story with you that blew me away:

This is hands down one of the most awe-inspiring stories of gratefulness and thankfulness in the midst of pain I have ever read. Sarah gets it. If you read through the rest of her story, she is very honest- it's not always easy to be thankful. But at the end of the day, she truly understands that even in the midst of the absolute worst- God is love. God really is good ALL the time.

My prayer is simply that you would be blessed by her story, her pain, and her thankfulness like I have. May God use her story to make you a more joyful person.

"But the fruit of the Spirit is love, JOY, peace, forbearance, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control. Against such things there is no law." Galatians 5:22-23

http://sriekelifeandgrace.blogspot.com/2012/11/evies-birthday-part-iii-answered-prayers.html