Who Switched Off My Brain?

Book Review: Who Switched Off My Brain? Controlling Toxic Thoughts and Emotions by Dr. Carloline Leaf

This book was recommended by a MOPS speaker I heard a couple years ago and I finally got around to checking it out from the library. It's GOOD. Or I should say the last chapter is GREAT. The first 4 chapters are very medical with lots of good descriptions and illustrations...and A LOT of medical jargon. Chapter 5 is all about kids, a must read for parents and Chapter 6 (at least it's a short book!) is the clincher for me and the reason I want certain people in my life (those plagued by pessimism and negativity) to read this book! Basically it's a doctor telling you that 1) toxic thoughts/emotions are actually bad for you- they affect your physical health as well as mental and should be/need to be dealt with and 2) that you actually CAN learn to control your thoughts and emotions. I feel like I learned these things during college somehow (I'm sure it was God and all the counselors I saw and support groups I was a part of) and it drives me nutso when people I love say they have no control over their thoughts/emotions. You do! You can learn coping mechanisms and change. It will not be easy or probably fast but your body and everyone who knows you (and yourself) will be so grateful you put the time and energy into it! And here's a very short, easy to read book that might just have some great ideas for you. Don't give up on the first 4 chapters, skim them (I did), but soak up chapters 5 and 6!! (Just for the record, I'm not even close to being perfect or even great at controlling my thoughts and emotions but I am way (way, way, way) better at it than I used to be and I would love it if everyone could experience the same freedom!)

Some of my favorite quotes:

"The worst thing you can do for your health is to deny, block, or suppress emotions whether they are good or bad. This makes them extremely toxic.

"Therefore one of the coping mechanisms you can develop to detoxify your brain involves not responding immediately to emotions you may feel strongly. Rather, acknowledge what you feel, and if it becomes clear an emotion is toxic, you can begin a process of learning to let it go."

"Remember that perceptions are emotionally based and unreliable. Emotional perceptions are designed to create alertness, to guide but not to rule. You need to take them captive, tame and control them, take the opportunity to evaluate them thoroughly before believing them and acting upon them. If not, you allow your emotional perceptions to take over and rule you. If they happen to be negative or destructive emotions, you set the scene for irrational behavior, bad decision making and harmful reactions in both body and mind."

"Emotions by their very nature are meant to be felt and expressed. They are a moving, dynamic, pulsing mass of electromagnetic and chemical reactions. They do not disappear or die. Somewhere, sometime they will erupt unless given an outlet. You must deal with them, because the more you may try to suppress them, the harder they will try to be heard."

"Society constantly gives us opportunities for toxic thoughts which take root in our minds and spread their poison through our bodies."

"The next time you think you don't have time for exercise or relaxation, think again. The reality is simply that you have chosen to fill your time with activities and things other than exercise and relaxation. Focus on what is good for you. Like many of us, you manage to fill your day with an endless list of things, small or large, which are not vital to your interests. If you constantly focus on the little things, you may ignore the big things that ultimately determine your health, success and happiness."

2013

For years now, I've set goals (not resolutions) every January 1st. I've had ranging levels of "success". Ultimately I would say every year has been successful because I've achieved some of what I want too that I wouldn't have if I hadn't written it done and set the goals. But something feels different this year. I feel motivated to be the person, the wife, the mom, I want for my kids- instead of just wanting to be her.

I've been re-watching some really motivating talks I watched/listened to this summer from The Willow Creek Leadership Summit and I have a "plan". I'm going to try and live life this year focused on 3 things: 1) to grow in my relationship with God, 2) to love my husband and kids better, and 3) to simplify my home and life. I say try, because I think there will be a learning curve and I know myself, I'll forget what I'm aiming at and have to re-calibrate occasionally throughout the year. I also say try because I know what God has done with my 'plans' before and since my biggest priority this year is to grow my relationship with Him...I know I need to be open to Him shaking things up!

I'm going to pair my 2013 focuses with Bill Hybels 6x6 idea, only changing it to 4x4. (He chooses the 6 most important things that he needs to focus on for the next 6 weeks and the pours everything into those priorities, letting others go or delegating, etc). And I want to coordinate this with my church's 2013 calendar. This is something new this year where all members received a calendar with prayer requests for each month. I'm so excited to see what God does when our whole body is praying in unison!!

2013 Focus Statement:
To grow in my relationship with God, love my husband and kids better, and simplify my home and life.

To grow with God:

• I want to pursue God daily, alone and with my children. Weekly with women and my church. 
• In order to do this I need regular and sacred quiet times. I will make this happen, by getting up early, staying up late, letting other things go, whatever it takes. This is my top priority in 2013.  
• Read my Bible regularly, aiming for 5+ days/week with no specific goal (like read the whole thing in a year). Although I'd love to read the whole thing this year, I haven't had much success with that since kids entered the picture and don't want to let 'falling behind' keep me from any reading at all.
• Continue prioritizing the Monday night women's studies at AC3.
• I want to incorporate God into my daily routines with kids. Praying before meals, etc. 
• Read the 'spiritual' books I've collected but have never gotten to, prioritize these before "for fun" reading. (See my list here)

To love my husband and kids better:

• I need to make sure I'm taking care of my physical and emotional needs. I think I easily fall into the trap of taking care of everyone else first and then having nothing left over for myself. Then I snap or break or breakdown, and that's not good for anyone! This is more like my traditional 'lists' of goals for a new year. 
• Get my haircut more than twice this year! I'm aiming for once a season with the ultimate goal of taking care of my hair enough to donate to Locks of Love again. I just need a couple more inches before I have the minimum 10 inches. 
• Regularly take time for myself: massages, pedicures, etc. My insurance will pay for 10 massages a year...why have I not been taking advantage of this??! I'd like to get my toes done at least once a season too. Starting with green in March before Baby arrives!
• Lose the baby weight! Baby is due mid-March, if I'm cleared to workout by the end of April I'm planning on a 5K in the summer and a 10K in the fall. Lose weight has been a goal of mine for at least the last 5-ish years. This year has to be different, I have to be a healthy mom to set an example for my kids and feel healthy for myself. 
• Start by walking on the treadmill at least 3 times/week for at least 10 minutes through rest of pregnancy. This seems reasonable and achievable. 
• Schedule 1 day/month to stay home alone to clean or be crafty or even just read. Arrange child care, trade child care, ship the husband and toddler off to the in-laws, whatever it takes! 
• Write more. Blog more frequently- quit waiting for 'inspiration' or the perfect topic. This really helps me clear my head and process things. 
• Get a tattoo...maybe two. The first one will be a Griffin...the second one is still waiting to be named. 
• Plan and execute two 'girls only' weekends. One pre-baby, one post-baby. (Post baby one will have to be with baby in tow, but that's okay. No husband or toddler though!)
• Read the marriage/parenting books sitting on my shelf. (See list here)

To simplify my home and life:

• Decorate house with pictures and art! We've lived here 6 years already and Pumpkin Pie is two years old, it's time to get some pictures on the walls! (And I have pinterest to thank for inspiration!)
• Simplify. Get rid of stuff we don't need/use. De-clutter.
• Finish (start) organizing and scanning Grandma's pictures. Mail to Carolyn.
• Make shutterfly (or something similar) books...before I fall even further behind with two kids!
• Craft more- finish projects I've been holding onto, or scrap them. (See list here)

Other:

• Visit Grandma Ruth- introduce new baby.
• Read the books I own but have never read...at least one shelf of the three. At the end of 2013, donate any books I know I'll never get to (the ones that have been on this list for years and years).  If I haven't read them at this point, chances are they're never going to be high enough on my priority list and I should just quit storing them. (See list here)

Christmas

I must be turning into a girl/woman...or getting older...or be pregnant.

I'm incredibly emotional tonight.

Moved by THE story of Christmas.

Moved by time with family and their generosity.

I'm reminded of just how much I've been given. And how the only requirement is to go and do the same.

I've been forgiven, how can I not therefore forgive.

I know a lot of people who don't understand this whole personal-relationship-with-Jesus-Christ- thing and don't feel like they can have faith when there is so much evil in the world. Especially after last week.

I get it, I really do.

All I can say is...when you've been saved, you can't not have faith. And I don't use that term lightly. I mean literally saved. Like a drowning person who is rescued. Like a person in a burning building is rescued.

I've been saved, and tonight I'm thinking about a very young girl and her young fiance, bravely facing the scariest thing imaginable...labor and delivery alone in a stable. And I'm thinking about how God says He did all of that because He loves me. And He would do it only for me. Just for me.

Blows my mind.

Makes me want to press into this God and His word. Grow closer to the one who loves me so.

I hope you check Him out. Or ask me about Him. Or ask someone you know and trust about Him. You'll never be the same.

Merry Christmas!

Prepping...

I love this time of year. I love the colder weather, sweater, and scarfs. I love the lights, the Christmas spirit, and of course all the treats! I'm actually not a big gift person- as much as I love giving gifts, I really don't like receiving them. It makes me uncomfortable and I don't know why. But what I love MOST about this time of year, is NEWness. I am looking forward to January and a new year and fresh starts. I'm prepping for my 2013 goals (resolutions) by doing a couple things:

1) Watching the DVD's from some of the speakers at this year's Leadership Summit.
2) Reading The Peacemaker with hopes of repairing a lost friendship and learning to 'fight better' deal with conflict in healthier ways.
3) Reading Necessary Endings: The Employees, Businesses, and Relationships That All of Us Have to Give Up in Order to Move Forward with the hopes of making a solid decision about selling our house or staying put.
4) Reviewing Experiencing God the Bible study I just finished with an awesome group of women at my church to see trends and big ideas God brought to my heart and mind for 2013.
5) Hanging up my church's calendar! I'm so excited for this in 2013- an entire year with everyone praying for the same things each month. God is going to do big things, I just know it!

I know January 1st is just another day but there is something about the idea of fresh starts and new beginnings that gets me so excited every year!

Now I just need to get me a 2013 day-planner :)

Post script

I've also realized my joy is still fragile. I may have figured out how to be joyful...but maintaining it is still a daily choice. One that I have to work hard at. Some days are harder than others. But no days are easy. So although I am a positive, optimistic, joyful person...it doesn't take much negativity, pessimism, or misery to bring me crashing down.

So I tend to avoid those types of people or debate/fight them if avoidance is impossible.

I wish life, like Facebook, had the 'hide' feature and I could always prep myself before ingesting their poison. That sounds harsh but for me it's true. It's a terrible analogy but it's like any sober person will tell you...the addiction is always right there, underneath the surface. I have to brace myself and prepare my heart and mind, to love these people...to walk back into the bar for them.

It's literally a battle between my love for my friends and family who fit this description, to accept them right where they are, and my sanity. Occasionally I have to speak up to protect myself.

Like I said yesterday, I still have a long way to go. And many more 'fruits' to grow. But I do no good for anyone, especially those that I love that struggle with joy, if I'm joy-less. I'm learning it's actually okay and good/necessary to set boundaries that are loving and respectful in both directions.

But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, forbearance, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control. Against such things there is no law. Galatians 5:22-23

Joy

I've had at least two conversations this last week with two different people that have had me thinking a lot about this topic of Joy. Those conversations have caused me a lot of pain, so this comes out of me processing some of the hard emotions. Just wanted to share where I'm at 7 days, and 2 days later.

Remember this is my blog and the title is notions. The dictionary definition of notion is 1. a general understanding; vague or imperfect conception or idea of something: a notion of how something should be done: 2. and opinion, view, or belief: 3. conception or idea. SO the follow is simply my notions...please read everything with a prayerful heart and with the best of intentions in mind.

Happiness is fickle. Fleeting. Not to be trusted. Not rooted in the Truth of the Bible or God's love. Happiness does not take into account God's ways and plans, eternity, etc. For instance: I am not happy that the housing market crashed and we have 'lost' $90,000+ since 'investing'. But I was happy when we bought the house. And I am happy with the house (room to grow, great neighborhood, etc). And my unhappiness has nothing to do with God, his plans, etc. It's entirely tied to the idea that we should have made money in the last 6 years living here- not lost it.

And happiness is different than JOY. 

Joy is permanent. REAL. Truly a 'fruit of the Spirit', based on the life changing and life giving love of God. It is something that is truly attainable in the midst of any and all circumstances. I am still filled with joy despite being unhappy with many things. Another example: I am not happy to have heartburn with this pregnancy but I am joyful to be pregnant again! I am not happy to face labor and delivery again (in fact I'm terrified) but I am joyful to hold another child in my arms and expand our family.

For me, the difference between a joyful life and misery-ful life comes down simply to a choice. Which dog do you choose to feed? The white dog or the black dog? I could choose to feed my black dog by focusing on the things that are wrong with my life (black dog)- a Master's degree with no available jobs, an upside down mortgage, a broken garage door, etc. OR I can choose to focus on the things that are 'right' with my life (white dog)- an incredible husband and son, numerous family and friends, a roof over my head, food on my table, etc.

What I'd like you to know about me is that my joy is real and authentic. I am not a 'fake' happy person. Through practice and a lot of help from above, I feed the white dog. So much so that it's now actually hard for me to think about the black dog or even want to feed him...most of the time. I was not always like this- this is a big change from who I used to be and so I attribute all of it to God's redeeming love and point it out as a 'fruit' of His Spirit working in me. I'm still human. I still get down, depressed, frustrated, etc. with the circumstances of life and challenging relationships but in general, I have discovered that what Paul says in Philippians 4 is true.

See if you don't recognize the white dog/black dog analogy in these verses (emphasis mine):

Philippians 4: 4-9, 12-13 , "Rejoice in the Lord always. I will say it again: Rejoice! Let your gentleness be evident to all. The Lord is near. Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable- if anything is excellent or praiseworthy - think about such things. Whatever you have learned or received or heard from me, or seen in me- put it into practice. And the God of peace will be with you....I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want. I can do all this through him who gives me strength."

I used to think I had no power over my thoughts and emotions but the Bible tells us otherwise! (Again, I will never say this is, will be, or should be easy...but it is possible.)

2 Corinthians 10: 3-5, "For though we live in the world, we do not wage war as the world does. The weapons we fight with are not the weapons of the world. On the contrary, the have divine power to demolish strongholds. We demolish arguments and every pretension that sets itself up against the knowledge of God, and we take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ."

In this passage I feel convicted that not taking my thoughts captive is disobedience. I'm not always successful but I tend to be more successful when, like 2 Corinthians says, I use weapons with divine power (think Ephesians 6:10-18 and the full armor of God).

Lastly, lest you think that joy is the only thing I care about and that I would condemn you for not being joyful, may I remind you that 1) I wasn't always like this, 2) this is the result of God working in me- not something I could have done or did do on my own, 3) there is more than one 'fruit of the Spirit' and I have a long way to go.

Galatians 5:1, 7-9, 13-23  (again, emphasis mine), "It is for freedom that Christ has set us free. Stand firm, then, and do not let yourselves be burdened again by a yoke of slavery...You were running a good race. Who cut in on you to keep you from obeying the truth? That kind of persuasion does not come from the one who calls you. "A little yeast works through the whole batch of dough."...You, my brothers and sisters, were called to be free. But do not use your freedom to indulge the flesh; rather, serve one another humbly in love. For the entire law is fulfilled in keeping this one command: "Love your neighbor as yourself." If you bite and devour each other, watch out or you will be destroyed by each other. So I say, walk by the Spirit, and you will not gratify the desires of the flesh. For the flesh desires what is contrary to the Spirit, and the Spirit contrary to the flesh. They are in conflict with each other, so that you are not to do whatever you want. But if you are led by the Spirit, you are not under the law. The acts of the flesh are obvious: sexual immorality, impurity and debauchery; idolatry and witchcraft; hatred, discord, jealousy, fits of rage, selfish ambition, dissension, factions and envy; drunkenness, orgies, and the like. I warn you as I did before, that those who live like this will not inherit the kingdom of God. But the fruit of the Spirit is love, JOY, peace, forbearance, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control. Against such things there is no law.

And that is why, at the end of this incredibly hard week filled with a lot of hurt, I am still authentically joy-filled and cannot be convinced to be otherwise.

Wow! I didn't plan on writing a sermon and I best stop now...but I want to continue (tomorrow or later this week) because the passage from Galatians ties in seamlessly with this week from the Bible study I've been participating in for the last 11 weeks. How cool is that?! God is pretty amazing,  how He can work all things together for good (Romans 8: 28). And that ties into where I'm feeling convicted currently...where I feel God's Spirit doing some pretty intense work in my heart- it's not pretty! Like I said, I have a loooooong way to go!

Thankful

I consider myself a fairly thankful, grateful, joyful person. I haven't always been this way. In fact, I would say it is one of the areas God has grown me the most in my adult life. But I wanted to share a story with you that blew me away:

This is hands down one of the most awe-inspiring stories of gratefulness and thankfulness in the midst of pain I have ever read. Sarah gets it. If you read through the rest of her story, she is very honest- it's not always easy to be thankful. But at the end of the day, she truly understands that even in the midst of the absolute worst- God is love. God really is good ALL the time.

My prayer is simply that you would be blessed by her story, her pain, and her thankfulness like I have. May God use her story to make you a more joyful person.

"But the fruit of the Spirit is love, JOY, peace, forbearance, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control. Against such things there is no law." Galatians 5:22-23

http://sriekelifeandgrace.blogspot.com/2012/11/evies-birthday-part-iii-answered-prayers.html

Reminded

Just being reminded tonight about the things that really matter...and how awesome God is.

I'm so thankful. I can't even begin to make a list.

God is good!

Things that matter.

I'm having one of those nights.

The kind where something that doesn't really matter goes wrong and you over-react and can't get yourself pulled back together.

I threw a toy at the toy bin tonight. And missed. And our toy-bin is right below the tv. Do you see where this is going?

Needless to say I'm feeling
-lazy, seriously I couldn't just walk the toy over.
-stupid, really you're going to use your left hand when you're a terrible shot with your right.
-frustrated, because of course I keep enough money lying around to just buy new tvs whenever the urge strikes.
-like a terrible wife, the one thing the hubs loves more than me (kidding) is sports. And it's playoff baseball time folks. And college football. And NFL. So basically, I suck.

And of course he (the hubs) is being super awesome about it. "It doesn't really matter.", "Things happen", "Don't be so upset, we'll get a new one in a little bit."

But I just keeping crying over it.

Seriously, when people I know are going through things that really matter- I'm crying over a broken tv.

Yep.

I guess I am that shallow.

On a sidenote, at least the 2 year old is as upset as I am. "Mommy. Broke. It.", "Bye-Bye Zaboo." So I'm also a terrible, stupid, lazy mother.

What a night. A good night's sleep will hopefully fix these INSANE preggo hormones.

It's just a tv for crying out loud. I didn't break my kid! ;)

Single

After today, I am so grateful that I'm not a single parent. And I have so much more sympathy (or is it empathy?) for those who are.

Daddy is on a boys 'beer and football' weekend in Eastern Washington with his best friend- totally earned and deserved.

But after working every day this week and Friday being payday, that means I only have the weekend to squeeze in all my 'weekly' chores. Thankfully (please sense the sarcasm in that), Pumpkin Pie likes to wake up early. So I was able to pay bills, clean the whole house, get two hours of work in at The Farm, do laundry- including diapers, stop by the ATM, and run errands at Target, Costco, Winco, Stride Rite, and Verizon.

Oh, and I did all of that with Pumpkin Pie in tow.

It took seventeen hours.

I think I deserve a medal and that it should all count as a workout.

I'm so pooped.

And glad that Daddy is rarely gone for an entire weekend.

And leaning even more towards not wanting the full-time job.

How do real single parents do it?! I'm impressed!

One month later

I've had so much to say in the last month but its almost been like I had too much to say and couldn't put it into words. But now I'm at the point where I have to get it out.

We're no longer TTC because we are pregnant!! We're due in mid-March and keeping the secret just about killed me.

This pregnancy is similar and yet so different from Pumpkin Pie. I've been nauseous a lot again but this time I tried vitamin B6 and it helped a lot. I haven't thrown up once...yet...although I still get waves where I think I might not be able to keep it together. And trust me, I've fought hard for the "no puking" award.

I've also been way more emotional this time...mostly because I've waited so long for this and am so excited and grateful we get to do this again. I watch Pumpkin and get all teary-eyed because there will soon be two. I've gone from never wanting kids of my own to being so grateful for every moment with my little guy and the prospect of a sibling.

School (a.k.a. work) has started back up and I've been super busy. My daycare lady from last year isn't available this year so I'm looking for new options. And not finding anything that sits well with my mommy's heart. I need 'Grandma' Netti back! There is also the possibility of a full-time position opening up at 'my' school and of me being hired for it.

My heart has never been torn like this before. I've prayed for as long as I can remember for a passion and a job- and now I have it...and it comes when I feel like God has given me two callings and I can't have both. I can't work for a pay check full-time, at a job I love, and parent my child like I want to. I'm trusting God day-by-day now to guide each step and take care of my heart and babies. He has a plan and I trust Him whole-heartedly.

Weight Loss Wednesday...week 9? 10?

Yep- I've got one more week of "summer" so my brain is still there. And I totally lost my momentum so I never remember to weigh myself any more.

I'm almost all caught up on the Bible reading. I plan on being on track Sept 1 (just 3 days a way!).

I ran again, successfully, on Monday. Still loving the treadmill.

And then got some sort of stomach bug that didn't involve throwing up. If you get me drift. Finally, feeling better today and planning on hitting the treadmill (or weights) in the morning!

Short and sweet- Pumpkin should be awake any minute:)

Poop

Yesterday, Pumpkin Pie dropped a deuce while playing outside naked.

Today, he picked up dog poop and proceed to explain to me that, "Ewww! Icky poo-poos!"

Needless to say- bath time promptly followed! And hand sanitizer!

WLW- week??

Hahahahaha! Isn't this how it goes? You establish a really great routine/rhythm and then life happens.

I can't remember the last time I worked out, or read my bible. Ugh.

It's not like it was years ago, just sometime last week but I haven't been keeping track like I was. That seems to be key for me.

A couple of things happened. Really, they are just excuses and I could have kept going but obviously I didn't. It's okay. I'll get back to it soon.

1) It got HOT. I don't do well in the heat. Period. I got a few early morning runs/walks in but in general I opted for other forms of activity. I did get LOTS of yard work done. And painting.

2) I've been putting off a major project all summer long and now it's do or die. Our church nursery NEEDS to be painted SO BAD. So I've been taking Pumpkin Pie with me every morning and getting a couple hours in. Then home for lunch and nap. And it's all been ceiling and upper half of wall, so my shoulders neck have really been getting a workout.

3) Once again I've been wasting WAY too much time on facebook. I hate realizing that I just spent another hour (or two) on my computer literally doing nothing. Not working on my shutterfly projects, not emailing people I miss, not connecting intentionally with others. Just wandering and wasting my life.

4) I got really busy besides #2. Farm. Babysitting. Family events. Baby showers. So much stuff.

I'm excited to share my "school year schedule" with you soon (just a few more details to workout). Yes. I AM type A and that will be very apparent. But it's getting me all excited and I'm realizing more and more how much I love having an almost-2 year old. I can't believe I'm saying this but looking at my schedule, I think I would actually enjoy being just a stay-at-home-mom. I just need to figure out how to make some monies doing it! Or have someone pay off our student loans or mortgage. Know anyone who is in the business of helping people that way? LOL!

Ugh

I know I bore you with my love/hate relationship with facebook.

Dying with hatred for it tonight.

Considering drastic measures.

Save me!

Keeping busy

3 more people are pregnant. March, April, and May.

So I'm planning Pumpkin Pie's 2nd birthday party, painting the church nursery, and generally staying busy.

We're definitely doing a Thomas the Train theme...the kid is in love with Thomas. And Gordon. And Percy. And Alfie. And Charlie. And Edward.

Seriously, he can't tell you what's wrong or how to fix it but he can name almost every engine and truck on that show...and says goodnight to each one too! "Thomas sleeping. Percy Sleeping" but it sounds more like "Thomas leeping. Perthy leeping."

Thank goodness I don't mind the show too much.

Because, although it may sound like I'm complaining about how much he loves Thomas, I'm not. It is the ONE thing I can count on to make him happy when he's grumpy and nothing else is working and I have to make dinner or a phone call or whatever.

It's the first thing he asks for in the morning, although milk still wins out occasionally.

So plan on celebrating with us in style in two and a half months!

Making it happen

I've had some random thoughts and funny stories I've been wanting to share but I just haven't made the time to sit down and write. So I'm making it happen tonight!

Now I just hope I can remember them all:)

1) Okay ladies, I know at least some of you have got to understand this. Once you've been pregnant and decide you'd like to be again...you might occasionally stand in front of a mirror and let it all hang out and pretend it's a cute little baby bump. You might do this, I of course never do it (riiiiiiight).

So my real question is why, at the end of the day, can I look 9 months pregnant (not really) and in the morning I can only look bloated?

Case in point: A couple of weeks ago, after a particularly incredibly awesome dinner made by Ryan (have I mentioned I haven't cooked a dinner in approximately 6 months and I blame him for no weight loss...but I'm not really complaining either:). Anyways, after this particular dinner, I don't even remember what it was, at the end of a long day- Ryan looks over at me and exclaims, "Oh my gosh! You look pregnant!!"

Thanks, honey. Thanks a lot.

It's just a food baby...a compliment to your cooking?

2) To redeem him, he has noticed all my working out!! Paying me multiple compliments about how great I look and how quickly I firm up!! All of his noticing and complimenting have really kept me going and kept me motivated to really get back in it now that the Olympics are over.

Apparently I just need to focus on my abs more! HA!

3) Going back to deciding you want to be pregnant again...I have decided the show I didn't know I was pregnant is completely off limits for me. Talk about freaking myself out. Even though I would LOVE to be knocked up...finding out because I'm in labor is not exactly what I'm thinking! And every single gas bubble that feels like I remember baby kicks feeling totally freaks me out now. You know you understand, right? I'm not alone in this, am I?

4) I finally remembered to weigh myself yesterday morning. 154.1 lbs. I'll take it! Two weeks of minimal workouts (thanks for nothing London 2012) and I'm actually down from my starting weight (154.4) and only up .4 from my low (153.7). So yay! I went for a walk outside (no treadmill) Sunday morning and didn't manage anything today. Ryan started summer school today so it's a bit of an adjustment going back to being a "single" parent during the daytime. I didn't realize how spoiled I'd gotten over the last 8 weeks!! As gung-ho as I'm feeling it's going to be hard to figure out a time to get a workout in. The next couple weeks are BUSY and predicted to be HOT. Two things that make my workouts lose priority. Ultimately I'm hoping to get to a point where I can get up and get it done before Pumpkin Pie wakes up in the morning. THAT would require him to start sleeping though and these 2 year molars aren't even poking through.

Prayers, cheers, encouragement welcome!!

WLW- Week 8

I know. I know. It's Saturday. And I call these posts Weight Loss Wednesdays.

Well, I forgot to weigh myself again and I've been busy watching Olympics so it's a really pathetic update.

I'm about 5 days behind on my bible reading. And have hardly worked out lately. To be fair, I did shovel a ton of rocks two days straight, which I think counts as a strength workout. And on top of everything, I think Pumpkin Pie might be getting his 2 year molars...nights have been really rough.

Thankfully the Olympics are over tomorrow. Ryan starts teaching summer school on Monday and my plan is to start transitioning the whole family back to our school-year routine so that we're ready to go September 5th. This will include earlier than mid-night bedtimes for me and hopefully first thing in the morning workouts. As much as I hate getting up early, I do love a good routine and getting my workout out of the way first thing.

I've been slacking on my projects of the week list too. What can I say? It's summer break, it's been mostly warm, and I've had way better things to do:)

Also, you should know I'm just guessing at which workouts I've actually accomplished. My hard copy is upstairs and I don't feel like moving:) 

Here's the rocks I helped shovel. 

WLW- Week 7

Well, I forgot to weigh myself this morning, so another week and I'm pretty sure no weight loss. Just hoping no weight gain! But it does no good to weigh myself after breakfast- that just leaves me guessing anyway.

This last week was dismal when it comes to workouts. Not only are the Olympics eating up some A LOT of my time, we were just plain busy. In addition to that, I did a pretty intense run/walk on Wednesday and then followed that up with a couple hours sitting in a car, followed by a couple hours walking around Seattle- in the sun without enough water. That combination literally put me on my bum for three days. I had no idea getting dehydrated can wreck you so thoroughly for so long. It wasn't until Sunday that I felt up to working out again but we were so busy with Grandpa's 80th birthday party I couldn't squeeze one in. Monday I did P90X yoga and made it twice as long as last time!! I quit when I was trying to do Twisting Half Moon with Pumpkin Pie pushing me over! One of my best friends, who now lives in Tucson, was in town too. I got to meet their newest addition, Miss Caylee Rae! We had a couple of good days and all 4 kids seemed to get along pretty well. So sad to see them head back. So obviously, I skipped a workout to hang out with the Lenzs.

As much as I am grateful for P90X, I really miss the running/walking time I was getting in on the treadmill. (I can't believe I'm saying that!) So I decided to stop doing the P90X plan and make my own. I've got the entire month of August "planned" out. Treadmill every 3 days and yoga every 5 (I really want to conquer twisting half-moon!). There are no rest days planned because I don't know what days will end up needing to be rest days. This way, I'll just skip whatever workout was planned for that day and start again the next day.

I also wrote out the month's Bible reading plan. And skipped my Projects list. I know what I need to do...and now I just have August to finish it up!!

Good

A new baby is here! Brooks Henry was born just a couple of hours ago.

It makes me want one. Bad! But I already have one...he's just not so much a baby anymore: 

(Blurry seems to be the only way I get pics anymore, my little mover!)

And I trust God. I really, really, really do. All in his timing. It will be perfect- whatever "it" ends up being.

I certainly have it good- although my heart aches, it is not broken.

Unlike Sarah or Diana. Two mommies who are going through unimaginably hard times and inspiring and encouraging me to lean on God and trust him. Although our stories are so different I find so much hope and strength in their faith. If you have a moment, read these ladies' stories and send a little (or big) prayer their way.

Weight Loss Wednesday- Week 6

Holy Cow! Really?! REALLY? FIVE completed weeks!! And no weight loss!! ERG!

Well, I'm pretty sure when I step on the scale in the morning there won't be any weight lost because there wasn't this morning. (But we have an early morning and busy day tomorrow, so I thought I should write this tonight.)

HOWEVER, this was the second week in a row that someone at church asked me if I've lost weight and even my husband says he can see a difference. SO at least I'm looking better, my pants are fitting better, and I'm feeling better.

Week 1 of P90X is done- I probably gave it 80% effort. I didn't want to kill myself and I'm not actually looking to get ripped. Just worked out. And it has been quite effective- so far the hardest video for me was the Yoga. LOVED it! Only made it 20-25 minutes. This one will definitely be added into my rotation. I'm also thinking I won't do 90 days of the program but figure out my own routine- because, I miss the treadmill. How weird is that? Anyways- I'm thinking I'll rotate through videos and treadmill time. No plan yet...maybe by next week.

Although I personally sucked at my weekly projects- I rocked at my summer list. I deep cleaned almost the whole house...just the kitchen, laundry room, and coat closet to go. And I mean deep cleaned. Ceiling fans, baseboards, walls. Tons of rearranging. Our house looks awesome! The wall is all ready for the piano from my parent's house- just have to figure out logistics and man power. Have piles of things to craigslist, garage sale, donate, and trash!

Fell behind on my bible reading by a day because I was reading a book. For pleasure! The Jericho Sanction by Oliver North. My parents gave it to us years ago for Christmas and I've never gotten around to reading it. I give it a B+. Entertaining. But not great.

Oh yeah, I turned 32 this week. Loving it. Seriously- my 30s are turning out to be the best years yet!

Ryan's card- so appropriate:)

(not sure why I can't get the inside rotated)

 Pumpkin Pie's card...

You know you've been TTC for a long time when the 21 month old is getting impatient:) 

In progress...best birthday present EVER! 

Granted we paid for 95% of it but the labor was free! I have a fabulously talented FIL!

(Both sets of parents provided gift cards or cash in my cards to help with the cost.)

So here's next week's "plan"...I didn't update or change the P90X workouts yet but those will be different, nor do I have a weight yet. But now I have one less thing to do in the morning! Have a great week!

To be fair

I'm not always upbeat and happy.

I really really try to always look on the bright side- but that's often easier for me to do TO others than FOR myself.

Night time is usually my darkest time. No pun intended. And tonight is no different.

Blah. Drag. Sigh.

What happened to all my inner sunshine from today? Where does it go? I wish I had more control over my hormonal/emotional roller coaster.

Seriously. Today was my birthday and it was pretty stinking awesome.

Going to go take my own advice: Listen to worship music. Pray. Read. Give myself an attitude adjustment.

Or maybe just go to sleep.

4am. Really? Really.

So last night I went to bed "early" so that I could get up earlier and try to get my first P90X workout in. And by early I mean 11pm- I've been consistently going to bed around midnight lately. MUCH later than my school-year schedule. And not helpful with a toddler who hasn't been sleeping well.

The hubs asked me what time I was going to get up- I answered, "Whenever I wake up. I'm not setting an alarm. I'm just going to bed early so I can drag myself out of bed instead of trying to go back to sleep until the kid forces me awake." Which has been between 7 and 9am lately. A pretty decent night's sleep for me.

And I was exhausted yesterday after my big alone productive day on Tuesday. 

So can you tell me why I am WIDE AWAKE at 3:45am? It's now almost 5. I've been completely unsuccessful at going back to sleep. WHAT THE HELL?! 

I've peed twice. I've stretched. I've prayed. I've switched sides of the bed. 

All to no avail. 

At this point I know if I fall back asleep, the wake up call from Pumpkin Pie is going to make me want to cry. 

It's my birthday for crying out loud!

I just wanted to sleep until, like, 6am or something. I really don't ask for much. 

Definitely planning on a nap today. 

Weight Loss Wednesday- week 5

This has been a pretty awesome week. I am down .5lb from the very beginning! It's not much, but I'll take it.  And I've been very consistent (except the last 2 days) on the treadmill. Monday was the first day I just walked instead of running. My knees and shins were very achy when I tried to run and if there is one thing I've learned while being a "runner" is to ease up when things get this way in order to prevent major injuries/recovery time. I was even asked if I've lost weight at church on Sunday! And quite frankly- I care way more about how I look and feel than what the scale says. If my weight stays the same but I can firm up, I'll be happier than if I lose weight but stay squishy. 

I enjoyed a day to myself yesterday. The hubs took Pumpkin up to Grandma and Grandpa's for the day while I stayed home and cleaned/organized. I got SO much done. I think I need this to be a weekly event this summer! It was extremely therapeutic and it relieves so much stress to get things crossed off my to-do list. For starters, I grocery shopped- Costco and Fred Meyer and stayed on budget! Then I sort of multi-tasked. I would clean for awhile and get bored, then go work in the office, then do some laundry. It was fabulous! I did not get a before shot of our office but you could not see the carpet No exaggeration! This is the room that for the last 5-6 months, I have literally opened the door and thrown stuff into. It was a nightmare! And now check it out:

 (Formerly Pumpkin's nursery- just needs a paint job)

 All my "projects" are now organized in the closet...just waiting for me!

Side two- this side is less projects and more "office supplies". Either way- now I can find what I want fairly quickly!

I also destroyed a fair amount of evidence. So much so the shredder kept overheating and I would have to go work on something else while I waited for it to cool down. 

The hubs and FIL have been working hard on our pergola the last 3 days. All the wood is stained (so pretty!) and it's about half constructed after their workday today. Hopefully tomorrow (my birthday) it will be all finished. I just need the rain to hold off until evening. Pretty Please!!! I'll take some pics and share soon. It's going to be freaking rad and help make all that hard full-time work over the last semester worth it. It's also going to help me care less about the crappy housing market. 

I've been rocking the water. I think technically the current recommendation is to drink your weight in ounces of water a day- that would mean I would need to drink FIVE water bottles a day. I don't keep exact track of how much I drink (sometimes I fill up before empty because we're leaving the house or something) but I don't think my bladder could handle 5!

Rocking the Bible reading too. I was right, reading it twice as fast is actually easier for me. It makes it feel substantial and worth my effort. Good stuff in that book:) 

For this coming week- I have P90X now! I'm going to try and figure out how to get an hour workout in in the mornings. I think it means I have to go to bed earlier than midnight so I can get up and at it before Pumpkin is ready for the day. AND I'm still going to try to walk (run when I feel up to it) 30 minutes a day- this will probably be in the evenings after Pie goes to bed. I feel like even if I'm too tired or sore to run, getting an evening walk in will only help. I would love to get pregnant again but weigh at the end what I weighed at the beginning last time. At the very least my neighbor who just had her second and ran the whole pregnancy has inspired me to not give up workouts when the time comes. Her labor was less than 2 hours!! That is FORTY-TWO hours less than Pumpkin Pie. THAT is what is motivating this weight-loss/get healthy journey:)

Although I did great working at my summer to-do list this week, nothing is actually finished. My goal this week is to simply wrap up a couple projects (like the garage).

Love and Respect

On the recommendation of our pastor and numerous friends, I'm finally reading Love and Respect by Emerson Eggerichs. And I must say, that for all everyone raves about this book- I'm just not getting it. The guy is w.o.r.d.y. and l o n g w i n d e d and repetitiverepetitive. Despite that, it is good stuff. I'm just tired of Dr. E "yelling" at me as if I'm some bitter angry woman who henpecks my husband to death, has zero respect for him, and isn't willing to change until he proves himself to be 100% perfect.

Let's be honest, I'm not perfect, no where near it- and I KNOW IT. Thank you very much. So why would I require him to be?

That's why I'm reading your book.

To try and do a better job at being an awesome wife.

So I'm trying Dr. Eggerichs. That's why I'm reading your book. So give me some freaking credit please.

Is this terrible- but I think I'd like the non-Christian version of this book soooo much better. Or maybe the John Ortberg version of this book.

(Side note: John Ortberg's The Life You've Always Wanted is the "for dummies" version of Celebration of Discipline by Richard Foster. The latter took me over a year to read and hurt my head worse than some of my college statistics homework, while Ortberg's was easy and smooth to read and made a huge impact on me in a week or two. I highly recommend it...maybe I should revisit it!).

Weight Loss Wednesday Week 3

So this week went much better! I'm back to my "starting" weight which is down 3lbs from last week. I've been super consistent with the treadmill. I'm starting to worry about my knee though- the right one is a little achy. I've been reading our Runner's World magazines and am trying to change my stride so that I land on my fore-foot instead of heel- I guess people swear it helps with preventing injuries. And when it comes time for new shoes I think I'm going to try the low-slope ones or whatever they're called- I'm assuming the shoe experts at Jock 'N Jill or Run 26 will guide me like they always have!

The best part about all this- believe it or not- I'm wanting to get out of bed before Pumpkin wakes up in order to get my run in. I'm also seriously loving my ipod beats to pump me up...you should see me run to Jesse's Girl the Glee version (think Rachel and Phoebe in the running episode:). Let's just say there is some fist pumping that usually occurs...and if my treadmill wasn't in my garage where my neighbors could hear me, there would be some serious top-of-my-lungs singing along!

I've done pretty good with my water goal. I would have done better if my indestructible Nalgene hadn't destructed: 

Don't worry- I picked up a new one today- for free!

I'm also doing awesome at my Bible reading- speeding up the pace seems to help me. It's more like reading a book instead of getting just a short 2 or 3 chapter snippet in every night. Oh, and I don't like reading in the morning anymore. I'm definitely a night-time reader now. Which means sometimes I miss out because I fall asleep while putting the boy to bed but then I just pick up where I left off the next day. This isn't supposed to be rigid- just goals to aim at. Sometimes you over achieve other times you don't.

As for my PsOTW: our garage is rocking it. I just have a couple small details to wrap up...and a few things to craigslist/garage sale/donate and then I'll post pictures to make you all jealous of my Monica-ness. (I'm really throwing out the FRIENDS references lately- maybe it's time for another go-round with all 10 seasons!). We bought wood to build our pergola with! Step 1 and $450 down. Yikes. Just need to stain and build- that's on the schedule for next Monday and Tuesday!! So freaking excited!! I finally cleaned the fish tank. Have I mentioned that I can't wait to be pet free some day. The tank creates a nice ambiance and white noise but I just want less chores! I've still managed to avoid the magnetic locks...and that was going to be the first thing I did this summer. But now that we're home and playing with Pumpkin so much- he isn't getting into the cabinets as much. Maybe this week?! And even though I didn't work in the office this week- I'm using it!! Computer pretty much stays on the desk now, which really helps me give Pumpkin Pie undivided attention...which means life is just more pleasant around here! Yay for solutions to problems!

Here's next week's lists: 

ALL the time

God is good! God is good, all the time!

Yesterday I woke up still feeling really sorry for myself and sad that another friend has been able to get pregnant while we still haven't.

So I got my weepy butt onto the treadmill and cranked up the worship music- I've never cried during a run before but I found two out of date hidden gems in my "Christian" playlist that really spoke to my hurting heart.

The first one was This Day by Steven Curtis Chapman. This song really spoke to me that nothing has changed! Just because another friend is pregnant doesn't mean God has suddenly forgotten or abandoned  me. My hope and faith that He will grow our family in His timing and His way (pregnancy, adoption, etc.) has not changed. And most importantly I still trust Him. I know that His way will be way better than I can even imagine.

Yesterday the sky was bright and clear

I could see the sun and I could hear the song

Faith flowed like a river free and deep

And grace was not so hard to be believed

But that was yesterday 

And what was close enough to touch

Now seems a world away

So what about this day

This day all His mercies are new

This day every promise is true

Father, help me to believe

Give me faith I need to know You

And trust You this day

This day

Who knows what tomorrow's light will bring

Tears to cry or maybe songs to sing out loud

But only God can see that far away 

And He made us for living day by day

'Cause He wants us to see

That the God that He's been every day of history

Is who He is this day

'Cause You are the same yesterday and today and forever

Through every season Your truth and Your grace never change

Oh, Lord, I do believe that the God that You've been every day of history

Is who You are this day

This day...this day

This day Your mercies are new

This day Your promise is true

This day my hope is in You, Lord

This day

The second song was Wonder Why by Avalon. This one was a big piece of humble pie reminding me about what really matters (eternity) and that my calling is bigger than another pregnancy. I am already in the midst of all that God has called me to do- my marriage, my one child, all the friends, neighbors, acquaintances he's placed in my life- they are there specifically. I need to be focusing on living my life so that they are drawn closer to Christ not pushed further away. I need to quit sitting on the couch, eating and pouting, waiting to get pregnant- waiting for my life to start- and start living my life. For crying out loud, it's God given and amazing! I don't want to waste another day!

Why, Why, tell me do you wonder why

Some can look so hard and miss the truth

Some wills tumble over it a hundred times

And never ever see the living proof

Well, there's a kind of love the world could never deny

Let everybody see it in our lives

The world will wonder why

If you and I will shine His light

And hearts will discover life when we decide

To let ours go

We've got to give it up

And live the love

That opened our eyes

Live your life

The world will wonder why

Why, why, someone try and tell me why

We would want it any other way

A heart could change before our very eyes

Well, I've seen the difference love can make

Where is the kind of love this world could never explain

It's time to live the gospel unashamed

If we were living with a passion

What would be the reaction

I know a single heart can change the world

If we were loving with a strong love

Then their eyes would see

And the world might believe

Hard

Finding it really hard to be happy for another pregnant (close) friend.

It's not that I'm not happy for her, it's that my sadness is louder than my happiness tonight.

Trusting and waiting are hard things. Really, really hard sometimes.

Weight Loss Wednesday- Week 2

This week has gone better, although I still gained a pound. I think my downfall is twofold: 1) I need to print my lists so I see them multiple times a day and 2) I have GOT TO start eating differently. As in I really need to quit at some point. It's so easy to just graze all day long on summer break. I need to be much more intentional about what I put in my mouth and really focus on eating less goldfish! 

Yes, I got FOUR workouts in this week. Way better than the single solitary walk I did the week before. AND this is with Pumpkin being sick (like 103 degree fever, puke, and Hand-Foot-Mouth sick). I was incredibly inspired by this post by my friend Rebecca and the videos she shares links to. Especially this one. For whatever reason "it" clicked and I've had fantastic workouts that I have *gasp* enjoyed the last three days. 

I'm rocking the water drinking, if I do say so myself. Think I'm going to try for four water bottles a day this coming week. That will take me to 128oz/day. I need a challenge- ha! At least something is easy:)

I also figured out that I need to be more specific with my "bible" goal- so since I started out planning on reading the Bible in a year and totally fell off the wagon when my full-time job started and because the year is exactly half over, I've decided to aim for the whole Bible in 6 months. I'm just taking the full-year plan and aiming for 2 days of reading each day. I think this might actually work because it's more reading at one sitting and actually feels like I'm making progress rather than trudging through. (You know some of those OT books feel like trudging- don't judge me please:)!

I got a little bit done with my projects this week. The garage is straightened and swept- I need a good chunk of kid-free time to finish it. Our stumps are coming out TOMORROW! Just a year in the making!! We conquered Costco and Target with the little man in one morning- not an easy feat lately. He does NOT want to be in the cart or hold your hand, and when we use the leash he refuses to walk in the direction you need to go. ERG. You can walk into our office now!!! It's been the room I open the door to and literally throw stuff into since about February...maybe March. Think Monica's secret messy closet on FRIENDS. So much stuff is lost in there right now but at least now it's in "neat" piles and you can see the floor. Baby steps, my friends. And lastly, I called a couple of bike shops and it is $60+ PER BIKE for a tune-up...so we're going to internet educate ourselves and try to do it ourselves. At least this way, if we end up paying for the professionals to do it, at least they'll have something to fix do. And hopefully we'll save $120+. We can spend that $$ on a bike trailer instead and get the monster kiddo out of the house more often. 

So all-in-all, I'm pretty pleased with this week. I am inspired and motivated and am figuring out what works for me this time around. I didn't think it would be the treadmill and lists but hey- you go with what works!

Zoo

If you have yet to see Matt Damon's We Bought A Zoo, you need to stop everything and go rent it. Right. Now. Seriously. It may not be the best movie ever made but it's incredible.

And it really broke this mom's heart.

The movie is based on a true story of what a dad and his kids do after the mom dies. Of course I cried- you know you will too just based on that premise right? Because, quite frankly, if the thought of what your family would go through if you died while your kids were young doesn't make you cry...well, I just don't know what to say to you.

That is exactly where my brain was through most of the movie. The kids (and dad) missed their mom. Desperately.

That really, really hit me hard because I've been feeling like a terrible mom lately (more details on that later). What struck me was that even if my mothering leaves room for improvement (which trust me, it does) I'm the only mommy Pumpkin Pie knows, so of course he would miss me.

And because he loves me so thoroughly, especially at only 20 months old, I should be living and loving as if each day could be my last. What's to say I won't get cancer or die unexpectedly in a car accident or fill in the blank.

This goes for the way I treat the husband too.

I can't wait until I feel like it to be nicer. Or more patient. Or more gentle.


"But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, forbearance, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control. Against such things there is no law." Galations 5:22-23

(Side note: I wasn't really sure what forbearance meant, check out what dictionary.com says- emphasis mine:
1. The act of forbearing; a refraining from something. 2) forbearing conduct or quality; patient endurance; self-control. 3. An abstaining from the enforcement of a right. 4) a creditor's giving of indulgence after the day originally fixed for payment.)

So here's the part where I've been failing as a mommy:

Pumpkin Pie is fully into what I would call the "terrible twos". And it's AWFUL. "Mine!" and "NO, I DO! I DO! I DO!" are constant companions these days. He intentionally disobeys and misbehaves. He is quite literally an exhausting nightmare to parent right now. Even the grandparents agree- THAT'S how bad it is.

And I've been treating him as such.

Think about that for a moment. How do you treat someone you don't want to be around? It's not always pretty is it? I've been short with him. Ignoring him. Distancing myself, literally and emotionally, from him. Not so much "Fruits of the Spirit".

And last night, watching We Bought a Zoo, something in me broke. Something prideful, selfish, and sinful.

I feel like I would be disappointed in myself if I were to die right now. This is not how I want to parent or be remembered by my child or husband. I don't want my baby to ever think I don't love him for a minute. And although I can fake it through my actions pretty well- I wonder if he's picking up on my attitude. My annoyance at how needy and clingy and hard  he is right now.

I've also read some really encouraging articles about how God gives us our children intentionally. WE are the parents they need- THEY are the children we need. So starting the minute the movie was over I've vowed to embrace the terrible twos. To not miss this phase by zoning out or passing him off. That's not to say I won't ever ask for grandma to babysit help. I'm just willing to make the sacrifices necessary to parent my child well through this phase. 


I know what I need to do. I need to "do" less. I need to turn off the computer and get down on the floor with him a lot more than I am. I have to give up even more of myself, for the moment, in order to meet my child's needs. And if those "things" are important enough to me, I might even have to *gasp* give up my sleep to fit them in. *Hangs head and cries a little* (If you're one of those annoying perky morning people you will not understand the depth of this sacrifice.)


I just hope someday, someone tells Pumpkin that his mommy loved him SO MUCH she gave up her warm cozy bed in order to (verb) love him better. Because this just might kill me. 

2 wheels

We ordered one of these for Pumpkin Pie today: 

And of course we bought a helmet too since we're all about safety in this house:)

I am so freaking excited to watch him ride a bike!!

Weight-loss Wednesday- WK1

I did not do so hot last week as you can see by the very incomplete star-chart (I really did only get one workout in all week- so bad!). I thought, for fun, I would try to do a "grade book" instead of stars but by Thursday (yes, that is only one day) I realized that was too much work/thought for me right now. I know, I'm on summer break so I should be able to handle a simple gradebook for myself but doing the gradebook requires me to judge my effort and more importantly remember it a day or two later. SO this week, I'm trying a list. I'm great with lists and love making and using them. I'm hoping this helps remind me what I'm focusing on this summer on a daily basis. (I did do pretty great at the project part of my list last week...just need to use that momentum to help do great on the rest of my goals). Also- I totally blame my 2lb weight gain on 1) the chocolate chip cookies hubby made (man they were GOOD) and 2) forgetting to weigh myself early this morning before eating breakfast and drinking a whole water bottle.

The good news: I started off today great. Got a 30 minute walk in this morning and spent an hour at "The Farm". 

The bad news: I've spent the rest of the day on the couch or in the tub with a sick Pumpkin. At one point his fever was 103.2 and he puked twice, the first time while breastfeeding. So yeah, that's how I ended up in the tub the first time. I've literally watched 8 hours of tv today. Thank goodness for OnDemand and HGTV!

The worst news: I had a migraine myself. Well, I call it a migraine but I don't know if it really was one. It hurt bad, made me super cranky and nauseous (although I never puked). 

The best news: I think we're both feeling better. Daddy ran to the store and got me some caffeine (the only thing I know that works on headaches like that) and some incredible organic saltine crackers. Now it's WAY past bedtime and no sign of tired. But I'm cool with staying up late tonight if it means the puking is done!!

Did I mention that I'm not used to nursing so much and on top of everything else I think I'm raw now. OUCH! But isn't this face worth it? I think so!!

Jinx

Looks like I did jinx myself.

So much for a groove...more like a train wreck.

The good news: Ryan is a great listener and he listened tonight. And I'm excited for tomorrow.

The bad news: Pumpkin won't get the memo.

Anyone know of any blogs or other resources for a mommy who is struggling to find balance (quiet times/ workout/ quality family time/ clean house/ projects/ etc.) while dealing with sleep deprivation and a 19 month old that still nurses throughout the night? I'm mostly looking for encouragement, some humor, and occasional advice/ideas:)

That should give you an idea of what tonight's train wreck looked like.

I just know I can't be alone in this. Send help (and prayers) my way!!

Grooving

I don't want to jinx myself but I feel like I'm back on top, in a groove, or some other fun cliche.

Just another confirmation that I am not meant for full-time work while Pumpkin Pie is a demanding baby/toddler. 

Don't get me wrong, everything isn't "fixed" yet. I've only worked out once in the last week. You can still barely open the office door. We still need to take an epic trip to Costco. 

BUT

The house is cleaned, laundry is at a maintainable place, we have enough groceries for the week, our summer calendar is made and filling up nicely, the summer to-do-list is posted and I've even managed to complete a couple things already, and the dog's hairs are cut. I'm sure there is more contributing to this "my brain cells are coming back" feeling but does it really matter? I'm starting to feel like myself again!!

And what does that mean? 

Inspired to attack the to-do list (I am a goal oriented, task oriented, type-A in case you don't know:)

Inspired to work out...tomorrow. Today is the dentist and a nap. Last night was AWful!

Oh! And most exciting of all (to me)- I'm finally working on Pumpkin's shutterfly baby book again. I think it has literally been almost a year since I stopped working on it. But I had a genius idea the other night and now I'm almost done with the first volume. (Instead of doing one big book per year, like a friend of mine does, I'm going to break it into smaller 8x8 books (which also tend to be free with coupons!), by season and special occasion. Hopefully this will make it easier with future kids so that they don't feel left out because they aren't the first born. 

Awesome

Things that made yesterday (super rainy day) awesome (in no particular order):

Starbucks
PAX
Amazon delivery!
Successful toddler proofing (2 out of 3 worked)
PAX
Chiropractor
Thor
Pizza
Girl time with Mrs. Blanco
New words
Fantastic snuggle time
PAX
Passing out with Pumpkin at 9:30pm

Pax and his mommy used to live with us and we miss them so much. Not only were they the best roommates every, Pumpkin and Pax are the best of friends. And our love for Pax is what has convinced us we could absolutely adopt and love a non-biological child as much as Pumpkin.

Summer Fun!

 Our summer FUN calendar! 

 With ideas for sunny days and...

rainy days!

I miscalculated and there should actually be one more row on the bottom for the very last week of summer/first days of school but oh well. I'm sure not starting over!! I'll continually be adding to the list of ideas and welcome your recommendations too. What do you do for fun in the summer?

AND I finished one of the things on my "POTW" list for this week!

Love Hate

I have such a love-hate relationship with facebook.

Erg.

Thinking the Hate may win out for good.

Prayer time.

Stars re-do

I think instead of stars this time, I'm going to do a summer grade-book! I know it's cheesy but it would really connect with me. I'm thinking I need to come up with rewards for an "A" or "B" grade and a consequence for a "C", "D", or "F". And summer break is 11 weeks so that seems like a really good time frame for a first round of goals. Instead of starting two days ago, I'm starting today- my first official day of summer break. I'll update on Wednesdays..."Weight-loss Wednesdays" maybe? And I'll post my grade-book too. Feel free to steal any of my ideas and join me!! June 20-September 5...we can all look smoking hot for back-to-school:)

Here's this weeks chart...I've already earned a "10" for workout #1 today and now I'm off to read me some Word of God!

Hope you are enjoying the first day of summer (here in the northern hemisphere) and winter for all my southern hemisphere friends!!

Crafty

LOOK! I was crafty and artsy!! I'm so happy with the final product!! (This rarely happens for me, so I'm super excited).

The "leaves" are Pumpkin's handprints and the butterfly and ladybug are my fingerprints:)

Happy Father's Day Daddy! 

Once again

Once again God has proven just how cool he is. I've got to give you the whole story.

You know the verse: Do not be yoked together with unbelievers. For what do righteousness and wickedness have in common? Or what fellowship can light have with darkness? 2 Corinthians 6:14

There are a couple things about how this verse is usually used that bother me. 1) It's a blanket statement used to figure out who you should marry and 2) it's not a promise. How many previously equally yoked people do you know that have left the church, their spouse and family, and chosen a new life outside of the faith. I know more than one.

Personally this verse has also bugged me because I feel like most Christians get stuck on what they think "equally yoked" looks like in modern America. When they spend more time focusing on what this looks like to God throughout the ages.

My husband's faith does not look like mine. It never has. He wasn't raised in a church-going home, so attending every Sunday has never become a habit. He's an over-worked introverted teacher who doesn't want to go to a crowded event on his rest-day (A Sabbath is quite biblical you know!?!) Occasionally I struggle with feeling lonely in my faith because of how different ours look. Sometimes I even doubt my husband's faith because it doesn't look like what I think it should. But God has always spoken to my heart on this, telling me that R's faith is between him and God. I'm allowed to pray for him of course. I'm also required to respect him, submit to him, and be a godly wife regardless of anything.

God also reminds me that I wanted this. I grew up in a home where my dad did go to church every Sunday...and it didn't do much good Monday-Saturday. I have always said, I'd rather be married to a Christian than a church-goer.

Don't get me wrong- I pray and long for the day when R is comfortable enough in his faith to share openly with me.

But in the meantime, especially after today, I trust that he does in fact have faith. God showed me, once again, that Him and R are talking frequently and that He will in fact lead me through him.

Without knowing, we are both on the same page for a major life change. More details to come when the time is right- suffice it to say: God is awesome and I am so in love with Him and him.