Clutter

I am not a clutter person. You will never find me on an episode of hoarders. I'm like the opposite of a hoarder, I'm constantly purging our crap stuff.

And yet, there always seems to be more.

How is it possible that I 'nested' in this house just a few months ago and now I feel like I need to do it all again?

Both the hubs and I come from homes where there is too much stuff. Mine was more of a "I might need this someday" family, his was more of a "look at my collections" family.

I dread the day all that stuff becomes our responsibility.

Sand vs. Boulders

While going about my day, I've been thinking about that visual aid with the jar, big rocks, medium rocks, small rocks, and sand. You can only fit everything in if you start with the big rocks first.

I'm pretty sure I've been starting my days with the 'sand' of life, so the bigger, more important, rocks aren't making it into my days.

As much as I'd like to wake up tomorrow and completely reorganize my life and our schedules and start with the big rocks, it just isn't going to happen. I'm too busy right now...and I'm a planner. I need to keep thinking about what my big rocks are and figure out a plan...I have visions of a color coded spread sheet/schedule in my head. Please don't laugh...I love me some excel!

I've got a whole bunch of things in the next 10 days that have to happen...then me and the boys fly out to Michigan to visit with my extended maternal family. Life will have to slow down out there and I'm so excited to just soak up family and rest. And come home ready to be much more intentional. 

I want to live on purpose! 

Are you?

A thousand things

Beth Moore has said it twice in the last five weeks, "You can't do a thousand things well. Do a few things and do them well."

It seems my life is a pendulum swinging past 'balance' until I reach one extreme or the other.

Although, as I age I feel like I'm getting better at saying 'no' and thinking before I say 'yes'. Marrying my husband, a true introvert (I'm a 'barely' introvert) has also changed the amount of 'stuff' I do and commit to (although probably not as much as he would like, it is much less than I used to do).

And I've been thinking about what needs to be done better and what needs to be cut as I adjust to parenting two littles.

I've got a few major commitments in the next couple weeks, the pendulum is way too far over in the 'thousand things poorly' side currently. I'm really looking forward to pushing it back towards balance....just in time for summer and maybe even spend some time as a family in the 'too few we're on vacation' side. :)

It's a constant ebb and flow, and I'm okay with that. It's just a re-evaluate kind of moment for me.

Mostly, I want to 'do' raising my boys and having an awesome marriage right. All else is 'extra' and I need to hold it with open hands, God can ask me to give any of it up at anytime and I need to be ready to say, 'Okay.'

Thinking...

Children's

We spent the day today at our local Children's Hospital getting tests done on Sullivan's thyroid. It's been measuring "borderline abnormal" since he was born- this was found thanks to a routine newborn blood screening. He's had the two normal ones required in the state of Washington, plus two follow up blood draws and until yesterday I wasn't even thinking about it. Then yesterday around 12:30 or 1, our pediatrician called to tell me that the latest numbers had gone back up and she was going to get us in at Children's today or tomorrow. Talk about a change in the sense of urgency! So I promptly googled and read everything I could on infant thyroid problem, etc.

Today started with a traumatic iv placement followed by a thyroid scan using a radioactive tracer. Sullivan's scans showed no evidence of uptake, meaning his thyroid didn't 'uptake' the tracer they put into his blood stream (and it should). So they had us come back at 1pm for an ultrasound to see if he even has a thyroid (which he does!!! YAY!). So now, we just administer thyroid meds daily and have a follow up with an endocrinologist next Wednesday, back at Children's.

The best part about today (besides having awesome medical insurance, having access to a world-renown Children's Hospital and specialists, and Sullivan having a thyroid) was lunch at The Ram! One of my favorite restaurants, it was a nice break- especially since we didn't have time for breakfast this morning! THEN we managed to hit Happy Hour at Starbuck's on the way home and scored half-price fraps...this momma was in desperate need for some caffeine!

Sabbath

Yesterday (Monday), I tried to run a bunch of errands/get a bunch of things done. Although I was successful in getting everything I had to done, I kept feeling like I was forgetting something important.

As far I can tell, I did not actually forget anything.

But what I have figured out is that with my personality, I need Mondays to be my 'Sabbath' day. The day I reset for the next 7 days. It sounds silly but even if I clean on Sunday, mentally it helps me so much if once a week I 'clean' my house from top to bottom. I say 'clean' because it's mostly straightening and wiping down, but it just helps me feel ready and organized for the coming week.

I also love that Monday nights is 'Women's' night at our church. It's when we have our forum/bible studies and I want to keep that going! I feel like it's my special time to feed my soul. Plus, Daddy's in the habit of running Monday nights and I want to keep that going. So much so that I'm willing to spearhead/lead the next Bible study if necessary!

So there you have it. I've learned something about myself that I probably already knew but now I can put it into words. And if I decline an invite on Monday, just know that it's nothing personal!

Monday

Weighing in at 163 today! Managed to get one measly workout in last week. I did part of my favorite yoga dvd and it felt great! To be fair, I did tons of work around my house and in the yard, it wasn't like I was just sitting on the couch!

Food is, and always will be, my weakness. I have zero self-control and am so quickly forgetful about my goals. And when I'm starving hungry, I really have no self control. And I'm starving hungry a lot these days.

Speaking of...I'm going to go enjoy a cookie:)

This is going to be hard!

Contentment

A re-occurring theme in my life, especially in the last year or so, is how different I am because of my joy level.

And how misunderstood I am because of it.

There are lots of posts on here that deal with it...I've done a bad job of labeling them but you can look on the sidebar for links if you want to read more.

The fact is, I have fought for and still do fight to maintain contentment and joy. I fight because I truly believe it is a biblical mandate to be content and joyful in all circumstances. And it really is a fight to take every thought captive (2 Corinthians 10:5). A hard fight. And it's something I've always struggled with, just ask those that knew me in high school and college:).

Lately, in the last week or so, I've been realizing that there are two things in particular that the enemy is using to chip away at my contentment. These two things are really benign but they have had a big impact on me lately: 1) HGTV and 2) Facebook healthy living groups.

HGTV: Watching too much of this makes it really hard for me to be content in our current home in it's current state (crappy kitchen, dirty carpets, grass-less backyard, etc) with our current budget (zero). So I'm cutting it out/limiting what I watch.

Facebook: I have 'liked' multiple healthy living pages and I love the recipes, ideas, and articles they share...but I can't afford (financial or time) to be 'that' person right now. I feel my frustration (with our finances and life circumstances), anxiety (about how I'm ruining my family's health), and depression levels rising. So guess what, I've hidden those pages from my newsfeed for now. I can still look them up when I want to, but now I'm the one controlling how much I see and when I see it.

So there you have it. I'm choosing joy and contentment. I'm fighting for it.

What in your life is robbing you of joy and contentment?

Prayers! This battle is a hard one that never ends.