Spoiler Alert

Just finished watching a movie, Nothing But the Truth (2008), and despite being so tired climbing the stairs is hard- I can't sleep. My mind is all a whirl and my heart is sad.

The movie is based on a reporter refusing to reveal her source. Her source just happened to name an undercover CIA agent. So the reporter spends almost a full year in jail, being held in contempt of court and standing her ground. Somewhere around the 300 day mark, the CIA agent is shot and killed in her own driveway by a far-right political activist. The reporter loses her husband and her own son fighting this battle. THEN she ends up spending 1-2 more years in prison for criminal contempt of court. Although I guessed it earlier, the movie waits until the very end to reveal to you that her source is actually the CIA agent's six year old daughter.

I'm laying awake wondering if I would be willing to protect another child at the cost of my own. I know the story is fictional but the reporter makes a comment, after the killing of the agent, that pierced my mommy's heart. She said something along the lines of, "I can not give up my source and have them forever publicly branded as the cause of the agent's death. That would destroy my source, of that I am sure."

Wow.

This coming after last night's post where I feel like I branded all instigators as "bad". There is always a time in which the correct and appropriate thing to do is stand and fight. I think about all the civil rights activists who risked so much, and the political activists of numerous revolutions who have changed and are changing the world.

I'm just left wondering what would I find important enough to fight for that would require me giving up Griffin. I am so in love with this little man! I would automatically, without thinking about it for a minute, give up my life for his. But is there anything out there that I would give up time with him (3 years in jail/prison) for?!

Part of my heavy heart is because no one in this story won. The reporter ended up divorced and losing her son. The CIA agent ended up divorced and losing custody of her daughter before being killed. AND the supreme court sides with the federal government instead of the reporter saying that in the case of national security, first amendment rights are not protected. (Or something like that).

Yeesh. How do you sleep after all that.

This is why people either love or hate to watch movies with me. I get so into them (just like my books) that I react, often very emotionally...and even more often, out loud. I had a friend in college who insisted on seeing all 3 Lord of the Rings movies with me after he saw the first one with me because he described it as being on a roller coaster sitting next to me.

I feel like I need to mourn for these two fictional families.