Saturday, June 30, 2012

2 wheels

We ordered one of these for Pumpkin Pie today

And of course we bought a helmet too since we're all about safety in this house:)

I am so freaking excited to watch him ride a bike!!

Wednesday, June 27, 2012

Weight-loss Wednesday- WK1

I did not do so hot last week as you can see by the very incomplete star-chart (I really did only get one workout in all week- so bad!). I thought, for fun, I would try to do a "grade book" instead of stars but by Thursday (yes, that is only one day) I realized that was too much work/thought for me right now. I know, I'm on summer break so I should be able to handle a simple gradebook for myself but doing the gradebook requires me to judge my effort and more importantly remember it a day or two later. SO this week, I'm trying a list. I'm great with lists and love making and using them. I'm hoping this helps remind me what I'm focusing on this summer on a daily basis. (I did do pretty great at the project part of my list last week...just need to use that momentum to help do great on the rest of my goals). Also- I totally blame my 2lb weight gain on 1) the chocolate chip cookies hubby made (man they were GOOD) and 2) forgetting to weigh myself early this morning before eating breakfast and drinking a whole water bottle.

The good news: I started off today great. Got a 30 minute walk in this morning and spent an hour at "The Farm". 
The bad news: I've spent the rest of the day on the couch or in the tub with a sick Pumpkin. At one point his fever was 103.2 and he puked twice, the first time while breastfeeding. So yeah, that's how I ended up in the tub the first time. I've literally watched 8 hours of tv today. Thank goodness for OnDemand and HGTV!
The worst news: I had a migraine myself. Well, I call it a migraine but I don't know if it really was one. It hurt bad, made me super cranky and nauseous (although I never puked). 
The best news: I think we're both feeling better. Daddy ran to the store and got me some caffeine (the only thing I know that works on headaches like that) and some incredible organic saltine crackers. Now it's WAY past bedtime and no sign of tired. But I'm cool with staying up late tonight if it means the puking is done!!

Did I mention that I'm not used to nursing so much and on top of everything else I think I'm raw now. OUCH! But isn't this face worth it? I think so!!

Tuesday, June 26, 2012


Looks like I did jinx myself.

So much for a groove...more like a train wreck.

The good news: Ryan is a great listener and he listened tonight. And I'm excited for tomorrow.

The bad news: Pumpkin won't get the memo.

Anyone know of any blogs or other resources for a mommy who is struggling to find balance (quiet times/ workout/ quality family time/ clean house/ projects/ etc.) while dealing with sleep deprivation and a 19 month old that still nurses throughout the night? I'm mostly looking for encouragement, some humor, and occasional advice/ideas:)

That should give you an idea of what tonight's train wreck looked like.

I just know I can't be alone in this. Send help (and prayers) my way!!


I don't want to jinx myself but I feel like I'm back on top, in a groove, or some other fun cliche.

Just another confirmation that I am not meant for full-time work while Pumpkin Pie is a demanding baby/toddler. 

Don't get me wrong, everything isn't "fixed" yet. I've only worked out once in the last week. You can still barely open the office door. We still need to take an epic trip to Costco. 


The house is cleaned, laundry is at a maintainable place, we have enough groceries for the week, our summer calendar is made and filling up nicely, the summer to-do-list is posted and I've even managed to complete a couple things already, and the dog's hairs are cut. I'm sure there is more contributing to this "my brain cells are coming back" feeling but does it really matter? I'm starting to feel like myself again!!

And what does that mean? 

Inspired to attack the to-do list (I am a goal oriented, task oriented, type-A in case you don't know:)

Inspired to work out...tomorrow. Today is the dentist and a nap. Last night was AWful!

Oh! And most exciting of all (to me)- I'm finally working on Pumpkin's shutterfly baby book again. I think it has literally been almost a year since I stopped working on it. But I had a genius idea the other night and now I'm almost done with the first volume. (Instead of doing one big book per year, like a friend of mine does, I'm going to break it into smaller 8x8 books (which also tend to be free with coupons!), by season and special occasion. Hopefully this will make it easier with future kids so that they don't feel left out because they aren't the first born. 

Saturday, June 23, 2012


Things that made yesterday (super rainy day) awesome (in no particular order):

Amazon delivery!
Successful toddler proofing (2 out of 3 worked)
Girl time with Mrs. Blanco
New words
Fantastic snuggle time
Passing out with Pumpkin at 9:30pm

Pax and his mommy used to live with us and we miss them so much. Not only were they the best roommates every, Pumpkin and Pax are the best of friends. And our love for Pax is what has convinced us we could absolutely adopt and love a non-biological child as much as Pumpkin.

Friday, June 22, 2012

Summer Fun!

 Our summer FUN calendar! 
 With ideas for sunny days and...
rainy days!

I miscalculated and there should actually be one more row on the bottom for the very last week of summer/first days of school but oh well. I'm sure not starting over!! I'll continually be adding to the list of ideas and welcome your recommendations too. What do you do for fun in the summer?

AND I finished one of the things on my "POTW" list for this week!

Wednesday, June 20, 2012

Love Hate

I have such a love-hate relationship with facebook.


Thinking the Hate may win out for good.

Prayer time.

Stars re-do

I think instead of stars this time, I'm going to do a summer grade-book! I know it's cheesy but it would really connect with me. I'm thinking I need to come up with rewards for an "A" or "B" grade and a consequence for a "C", "D", or "F". And summer break is 11 weeks so that seems like a really good time frame for a first round of goals. Instead of starting two days ago, I'm starting today- my first official day of summer break. I'll update on Wednesdays..."Weight-loss Wednesdays" maybe? And I'll post my grade-book too. Feel free to steal any of my ideas and join me!! June 20-September 5...we can all look smoking hot for back-to-school:)

Here's this weeks chart...I've already earned a "10" for workout #1 today and now I'm off to read me some Word of God!

Hope you are enjoying the first day of summer (here in the northern hemisphere) and winter for all my southern hemisphere friends!!

Sunday, June 17, 2012


LOOK! I was crafty and artsy!! I'm so happy with the final product!! (This rarely happens for me, so I'm super excited).
The "leaves" are Pumpkin's handprints and the butterfly and ladybug are my fingerprints:)

Happy Father's Day Daddy! 

Tuesday, June 12, 2012

Once again

Once again God has proven just how cool he is. I've got to give you the whole story.

You know the verse: Do not be yoked together with unbelievers. For what do righteousness and wickedness have in common? Or what fellowship can light have with darkness? 2 Corinthians 6:14

There are a couple things about how this verse is usually used that bother me. 1) It's a blanket statement used to figure out who you should marry and 2) it's not a promise. How many previously equally yoked people do you know that have left the church, their spouse and family, and chosen a new life outside of the faith. I know more than one.

Personally this verse has also bugged me because I feel like most Christians get stuck on what they think "equally yoked" looks like in modern America. When they spend more time focusing on what this looks like to God throughout the ages.

My husband's faith does not look like mine. It never has. He wasn't raised in a church-going home, so attending every Sunday has never become a habit. He's an over-worked introverted teacher who doesn't want to go to a crowded event on his rest-day (A Sabbath is quite biblical you know!?!) Occasionally I struggle with feeling lonely in my faith because of how different ours look. Sometimes I even doubt my husband's faith because it doesn't look like what I think it should. But God has always spoken to my heart on this, telling me that R's faith is between him and God. I'm allowed to pray for him of course. I'm also required to respect him, submit to him, and be a godly wife regardless of anything.

God also reminds me that I wanted this. I grew up in a home where my dad did go to church every Sunday...and it didn't do much good Monday-Saturday. I have always said, I'd rather be married to a Christian than a church-goer.

Don't get me wrong- I pray and long for the day when R is comfortable enough in his faith to share openly with me.

But in the meantime, especially after today, I trust that he does in fact have faith. God showed me, once again, that Him and R are talking frequently and that He will in fact lead me through him.

Without knowing, we are both on the same page for a major life change. More details to come when the time is right- suffice it to say: God is awesome and I am so in love with Him and him.

Sunday, June 10, 2012

Go the F to sleep...

I read the book and it wasn't actually that good or funny in my opinion.

I think I could do better. 

Maybe I will. 

The one thing the book nailed is the shocking amount of rage you can feel towards your precious child when you're sleep deprived and they won't go to sleep. 

Anyone else ever just want to curl up in a ball and cry? Or punch a hole in the wall? 

I judge the parents who shake their babies much less harshly now. I still think it's an unacceptable and terrible thing but I can understand it. 

The little prince himself has suddenly decided it would be funny to nurse until he's almost asleep (30ish minutes) and then pop up ready to play. Like wide-eyed, happy, well-rested, ready to play. When I know he's tired.

So we fight. 

I'm the mommy. I know what you need. Lay down and go to sleep.
      But my tummy is full (thanks mom!), I just rested for 30+ minutes, let's go play mom!!

And around and around and around we go. 

Often with tears on both our parts. And yelling. And occasionally giggles. 

Those are my favorite nights. When somehow I can push the rage and exhaustion backwards and just enjoy this for what it is: a passing phase that gives me more time with my son. And he's growing and changing everyday. And I know I will miss the snuggles, the procrastination kisses, the silly faces and sounds he makes. 

Motherhood is HARD and exhausting. I don't think the phrase "24/7" does it justice. It's more like "86,400/7". (That's how many seconds there are in a day, in case you were wondering). I feel like I'm "on" every waking moment and I look forward to bedtime SO MUCH. I just want a few minutes to unwind, wrap up the day, maybe even spend some time alone with my husband. It is so hard to not lose it when I see the clock and it's been 90 minutes and he's STILL NOT ASLEEP. 

And yet, sometimes I move him into bed with me just so I can snuggle his sweet face, smell his sweet breath, and hear his sweet sleep noises. I love him SO MUCH....especially when he's asleep!

Saturday, June 9, 2012


I'm wondering if it's time to bring back the star chart.
            What's 'the star chart', you ask?

Only one of the coolest motivational tools my friend Jenn and I came up with and used years ago.

It's literally a star chart for grown-ups. We did ours on excel so that we could customize everything about it. I wonder if I still have it on a random flash drive. If I find it over summer break, I promise I'll share:)

I found this picture here, ironically on a blog talking about this very thing. 

I am a list maker. An organizer. A planner. So before I do something, I like to have it all planned out. What I've found is that this works great while trying to achieve my goals- until I have a bad day or two in a row. Then I can (and often do) get depressed and off-track because it feels like, "Why keep trying if I'm failing so miserably". BUT when I keep track of what I've done, especially with something like a star-chart- I can easily see how much I have done and usually get myself right back on track. 

What I've also realized lately is that I don't have time to plan and organize like I used to before baby would like to. so I'm just going to have to suck it up and do it. 

Do what?

Oh. Just get off my lazy bum, re-organize my priorities, and get back into shape. I know many of my aches and pains would relieve themselves if I would just prioritize working out again. I bet my hormones would calm down too. I don't care about being skinny- I never have. But I am weak and unhealthy and I

I've been daydreaming about ways to make it easier. Like joining the local crossfit gym and literally paying someone to whip me back into strong-mode. It's $200 for a one-month required class. YIKES! (If that's not a lot of money to you, I will gladly allow you to sponsor me!) Another friend of mine has been doing the Advocare 24 day challenge. She's 18 days in and 10lbs down. I know this was also an expensive option although I'm unsure of just how expensive. 

The thing is, we've been working really hard at paying off debt and I just can't get myself comfortable with spending that kind of dough on something I know how to do on my own...I'm just choosing not to do it. I wrote a couple nights ago about how I used to be super motivated and in incredible shape. In addition to the swimming I've also completed numerous 5k/10k races, 3 marathons, and a couple triathlons of various lengths- I've read countless books and articles on nutrition. I know what to do. I know how to do it. I own the DVDs and tons of tools to help me (yoga mat, running shoes, really awesome road bike, running stroller, treadmill, exercise ball, free weights, etc). 

I got online to write about this tonight and found this post by my friend Becca. I really relate to her dilemma: being skinny or enjoying food life. I want to figure out a way to do both. I'm not sure exactly what my star chart will look like this time around but I need a plan for this summer. I want to be a healthy wife and mom. I want to feel strong and eliminate my aches. I'd love to lose some (20lbs) weight. I want to run again and race again. I'm thinking of rewarding my self (if I get enough stars) with that crossfit class...or a donut. JUST KIDDING!! (kinda)

Tuesday, June 5, 2012

Full or empty?

This isn't just are you a glass half-full or half-empty? This is more than that. Do you live your life "full" or "empty"? Do you great strangers, co-workers, etc as someone who is full of God's love...or as someone who is empty of God's love and grace.

I feel like there are two types of people out there. Those that are constantly being offended by rude people and those who extend a "half-full" glass of God's love, grace and patience and somehow, the latter, don't have nearly as many "rude" stories to tell.

I wonder what would happen if instead of looking to be served, we looked for opportunities to serve. Even to the people who are getting paid to serve us. Do you smile at your waiter/waitress and assume the best about them? Or do you automatically treat them as if they should be taking care of your every whim 5 minutes ago? Do you ever wonder what they are going through? How busy their day has been? How many rude customers they have had to deal with? YOU might be the one to erase their rudeness with your generosity. Say something nice. Encourage a tired looking employee.

I bet you leave with a smile:)

Monday, June 4, 2012


Have you heard of or read the book Men are like Waffles, Women are like Spaghetti? Tonight my thoughts are definitely spaghetti and to understand one thing I feel I must follow the noodle backwards. Stay with me, I promise this is going somewhere. But warning: It is l o n g!

When I was in high school, actually- as far back as I can remember, I was a high-strung, type-A (capital "A", bold, underlined, and italicized) competitive perfectionist. I know my grade school teacher (Mr. Terry, 3rd-6th grades) and many of my middle and high school teachers and coaches would agree. My parents certainly would. I was emotional. I am sure I challenged more than one adult and made being my friend a challenge. I was also needy, I started dating young- searching for love. Not a good combination but not the noodle for tonight. 

I started swimming competitively in 7th grade and in high school, without being conceited, was pretty good. Not national-level good. But pretty impressive for not starting younger and not having the tall lanky body of a swimmer. And I loved it. I loved being on a team, I loved the water, I loved working my ass off for hours a day, usually two to four hours every Monday-Friday with meets on the weekends. 

My senior year, I was the second best swimmer on our team. Emily was the best, she is one of those tall lanky national-level swimmers. I think she and my coaches would agree that although she had the talent, I had the heart. I worked harder than I had ever worked before, pushed myself farther than I though possible, and completed some intense workouts...sometimes even leading Emily. 

We had a new assistant coach, Stephanie, that year. I think she was working on her Master's in Psychology. Ironically, she was really bad at the psychology part of coaching.  She pushed us hard, really hard- like college level hard. And sucked all the fun right out of the team, the sport, and most of the meets. Especially districts and state.

For districts, it was all about the team. We weren't allowed to swim the events we wanted to, we had to swim the events that would earn our team the most points. Don't get me wrong- I get it. Except that as much as swimming is a team really is an individual sport. Especially at the high school level. For someone who is good at the high school level but isn't good enough to swim at the D-1 college she's headed to. Anyways, I digress. 

I had to swim back-to-back events. 100 fly and 100 free. It's one of my best memories ever in the pool and something I'm still proud of today. I qualified for finals in the fly and consuls in the free, meaning that at finals I would be swimming back-to-back heats. (If you don't know swimming, think track. Imagine running in the last heat of the 100 meter dash and immediately after running the 200 meter dash with no break except the time it took you to get from the finish line to the start line.)

The 100 fly was surreal. I have never heard my pool that loud before. I remember thinking (while racing), "Wow, it's really loud! There must be close race." I was seeded 6th (slowest in the heat) so I didn't think I had anything to do with it and actually thought I was in last place based on what I could see during my turns. Turns out I was in a 3-way race for first place. In fact I tied for 2nd and if my memory is correct, 1st place only beat us by .01 second. So yeah, it was a close race! Also, I totally pr'd (personal record). When I saw my time on the board, I was dumbfounded...and ecstatic! 

I celebrated by swimming about half way down the pool to "cool down", moving over 3 lanes, and swimming back to the blocks. Then I climbed up for the start of the 100 free. I was seeded 1st in this heat and ended up winning my heat by over 1 second (a lot in a 100 yard event) with a time that would have placed me in finals. 

I was so exhausted I literally had to be pulled out of the pool and carried away. 

I have never before or after worked so hard for something. 

A week later I had the worst swimming experience I ever had at the state meet. All the fun was outlawed- it was the worst swim meet ever...and we all performed badly. I have always wondered what would have happened if we'd been allowed to enjoy ourselves. 

And this brings me to tonight's noodle:

Why can't I work that hard anymore? It's like Stephanie literally broke me. Like you break a horse. And no matter what I do, I don't know how to get that person back. Don't get me wrong- I really like how I've mellowed over the years and I think a lot of it is good. But I want that drive back. That willingness to endure pain for something great. Or even for something not-so-great, just something I simply want to do. Like run a marathon in under 4 hours. Or lose this wedding/baby weight (I have about 3lbs to go until pre-baby weight...and about 25 to go to wedding day weight). 

Is it just that I'm a grown-up now, with grown-up responsibilities? Why can't I prioritize my health and maintain my athleticism. Like my husband does. Like my friend Michelle does? 

I wonder if it's the reason I'm not pregnant. 

I wonder if it's why I "failed" at delivering Griffin at the Birthing Center and ended up at the hospital with an epidural.

And I wonder why my desire for another baby isn't enough to get me up and moving every day losing this weight.

I still feel broken 14 years later. 

I'm so sick of saying "tomorrow" or "Monday" or making any number of excuses or justifications. Of eating 6+ amazing but unsatisfying chocolate chip cookies to dull the pain.

The flip side to all of this is that as much as I hated her, Stephanie made me better. Maybe all I need to do is find the money to pay a personal trainer to boss me around? Maybe I never was the kind of person who could do this alone?

Then there are the logistics. How do you do this without money to spare? I don't think I have anything left to give up to make room in our budget for this. I just snuggled and nursed Griffin back to sleep and all I could think was I would give anything to be able to afford to stay home full-time and go back to being "just" a stay-at-home mommy/wife and home-maker. I miss having the house clean, dinner ready, and everything done when Ryan got home from work so we could just be. Just be a family. A couple. Individuals. I hate how busy and stressed out I've been. I hate that the projects are piling up around the house. That I don't have time to track and budget our money as detailed as I would like. That I am impatient with my boys and the whole world because I have so much that has to get done in so little time. 

Help! I don't know how to end this:) My noodles are tangled tonight! If you made it this far- thanks! Nothing like staying up way too late on a school night pouring your heart out to the interweb. 

Sunday, June 3, 2012

Milk and Cookies

The hubs made chocolate chip cookies for me tonight:) It was a special request...I really try not to emotionally eat but I needed these cookies SO bad tonight!

Another friend is pregnant.

And I am not.

Don't worry...I only ate 6:) 
And although I'm still sad (the chocolate didn't fix it), I know God has a plan and it will all work out. I'm just sad tonight.