Sunday, June 10, 2012

Go the F to sleep...

I read the book and it wasn't actually that good or funny in my opinion.

I think I could do better. 

Maybe I will. 

The one thing the book nailed is the shocking amount of rage you can feel towards your precious child when you're sleep deprived and they won't go to sleep. 

Anyone else ever just want to curl up in a ball and cry? Or punch a hole in the wall? 

I judge the parents who shake their babies much less harshly now. I still think it's an unacceptable and terrible thing but I can understand it. 

The little prince himself has suddenly decided it would be funny to nurse until he's almost asleep (30ish minutes) and then pop up ready to play. Like wide-eyed, happy, well-rested, ready to play. When I know he's tired.

So we fight. 

I'm the mommy. I know what you need. Lay down and go to sleep.
      But my tummy is full (thanks mom!), I just rested for 30+ minutes, let's go play mom!!

And around and around and around we go. 

Often with tears on both our parts. And yelling. And occasionally giggles. 

Those are my favorite nights. When somehow I can push the rage and exhaustion backwards and just enjoy this for what it is: a passing phase that gives me more time with my son. And he's growing and changing everyday. And I know I will miss the snuggles, the procrastination kisses, the silly faces and sounds he makes. 

Motherhood is HARD and exhausting. I don't think the phrase "24/7" does it justice. It's more like "86,400/7". (That's how many seconds there are in a day, in case you were wondering). I feel like I'm "on" every waking moment and I look forward to bedtime SO MUCH. I just want a few minutes to unwind, wrap up the day, maybe even spend some time alone with my husband. It is so hard to not lose it when I see the clock and it's been 90 minutes and he's STILL NOT ASLEEP. 

And yet, sometimes I move him into bed with me just so I can snuggle his sweet face, smell his sweet breath, and hear his sweet sleep noises. I love him SO MUCH....especially when he's asleep!

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