Trust in a plan

I just got my last paycheck until October 31, 2013...the joys of a spring baby and being a substitute.

And I paid bills.

And I crunched numbers.

And I'm trusting that God has a plan all figured out and will clue me in as I need to be.

Because we won't survive without his intervention.

Ugh. Someday.

Wish we'd taken FPU (Financial Peace University) before buying our house. And going back to school. And. And. And.

Sorry Dave- no gazelle intensity here...just the tortoise slowly plugging along. Someday. Someday. We'll finish the race strong...it just seems so far away.

One

It's been a whole month since little Easter Egg joined our family in a hurry. I feel like we're really settling into being a family of four. This last weekend was super busy...and really rough. The boys (and adults) reactions really make me remember that we're a family of introverts and I would do me, my husband, and both kids a favor by limiting the excitement.

What I'm excited about this morning: It's been a month and it's a Monday. I love starting things at a 'starting point'. Mondays are great for that:)

So Sullivan is up to 10lbs 7oz (as of Friday)- he's growing much slower than Griffin did, which is fine. The pediatrician isn't worried at all. It's just weird having a 75% baby after having a 99% baby.

And I'm down about 26lbs. I was down 29lbs the last time I weighed myself (but I can't remember when that was!). So even though I haven't officially been cleared to workout, I'm starting. I went on a great walk yesterday and am going to start adding in yoga/pilates. I need to build my core back up in order to take care of my back!! I'm starting to get the same reaction I had after Pumpkin was born- my hands falling asleep/tingling

One thing you need to know about me, is that despite how type-A I can be, I've toned down a lot over the years. So nothing about this will be precise. I weighed in around 191 lbs at the end of this (and Pumpkin's) pregnancy. I weigh 165 this morning. I started both pregnancies around 150, but weighed 125 when I got married. I'd like to get back to 130-135. So that's my weight goal. Honestly, even if the scale never gets there but I get back into 'non-jiggly' shape, I'll be happy. Until I'm done nursing and I can have the ladies reduced, I don't know what a reasonable and realistic goal really is :)

highs and lows

Warning: I may say some 'truths' that shock you if you've had easy kids. If that is you, and you don't understand me at all, please kindly walk away and don't leave a comment. If what I say strikes a cord with you, by all means, feel free to commiserate!

Parenthood is nothing if not a roller-coaster.

I absolutely honestly love being a mom. I could even see myself with more than two. I've always wanted to adopt and currently, could see myself surviving another pregnancy. 

Now that that's established...

There are times when it literally takes every ounce of self-control not to hurt my boys. Like when Easter Egg has been crying screaming non-stop for over an hour no matter what I do. And Pumpkin Pie needs me. And I just want some alone/grown-up time. 

I really can understand parents who snap and shake their babies. Obviously I don't condone it, but I understand it. It shocks me how much self control it takes to lay your baby down gently and walk away. This being that you carried and birthed and would die for can make you feel like you are ready for the loony bin. Like, for reals. 

Tonight while I was crying, Easter Egg was screaming, and Pumpkin Pie was trying to fall asleep (bed time lasted over TWO hours!) I was doing some heavy thinking and I really wanted to share because I don't think I'm alone in these thoughts. Or at least I hope I'm not! 

When Pumpkin was a baby, since he was my only, I was able to take care of his needs faster/easier and I wasn't stretched as thin. With Egg, I can't focus on him the same way. Pumpkin still needs me. The hubs still needs me. And I still need me. So, in order to let him just lay there and scream (since nothing I did was working), I feel like I have to turn something inside of me off. And when I have it turned off, I don't like me. I feel cold. Heartless. Disconnected. 

And I don't like it one bit. It makes me worry that I won't have a close relationship with Egg the same way I do with Pumpkin. It makes me worry that we shouldn't have had Egg and that I can't handle more, even though I want to. 

And then I started thinking about the enemy and how he loves to discourage us when we're doing what we're supposed to be doing. And I realize that these thoughts have to be from him. The God I love and serve would never "talk" like this. 

Because the other thing that having a gasy baby has made me realize is that there are thousands of babies around the globe that are left to just cry and scream until something inside of them breaks and they don't cry anymore. 

And that breaks my heart. Like tears streaming down my face right now, breaks my heart. And I know it breaks God's heart. And I know Satan would love to keep me from loving just one of those orphans by making me feel defeated in my parenting. 

I don't know if we'll ever adopt. I don't know the how God has called us to or the when but I do know that I'll do what he asks. It may be as simple as we keep renting to single moms and loving their kids and creating crazy little sort-of families. It may mean we support an organization financially. It may mean I pray. A lot. It may mean I keep reading all these incredible adoption blogs and just being passionate about something I don't ever get to directly participate in. 

What I can do is love my boys. Stay connected to them. Show them Jesus. 

And give Satan the finger. 

Book(s) review and GIVE AWAY!!

Okay, so I promised Erin MacPherson I would do this the first week of April...instead I had a baby! Which is fitting since her books are seriously helping me stay sane!!  SO better late than never, right?!

Erin is the author of four (FOUR!) books in the 'Christian Mama's Guide' series. And they are A.W.E.S.O.M.E. Seriously.

The Christian Mama's Guide To Having a Baby: Everything You Need to Know to Survive (and Love) Your Pregnancy
The Christian Mama's Guide To Baby's First Year: Everything You Need to Know to Survive (and Love) Your First Year as a Mom
The Christian Mama's Guide To Parenting A Toddler: Everything You Need to Know to Survive (and Love) Your Child's Terrible Twos
The Christian Mama's Guide To The Grade School Years: Everything You Need to Know to Survive (and Love) Sending Your Kids Off into the Big Wide World

I've read the first three, since they pertain to my life right now. And I'm not kidding, if it weren't for the humor, prayer, and focus on God in Having a Baby, I don't know if I would have survived my second pregnancy. Where was this book when I was pregnant with Pumpkin Pie?! Erin does something that no one else in the Baby industry does- she focuses everything on God and makes you laugh. I will be giving every new mom I know this book for sure! It isn't the only book you'll need- Erin doesn't go into depth the way 'What to Expect' or other exhaustive week-by-week books do but that's what makes her book so great! It's a quick, light, informative read that will have you ordering Baby's First Year before your bundle of joy arrives!

Even though this is my second time around, I'm thoroughly enjoying Baby's First Year. There is so much I've forgotten about...and Easter Egg is so different from Pumpkin Pie, I'm desperate for advice and ideas. Hands down the best thing about this book is Erin's ability to point an exhausted and often times frustrated mom towards God and His wisdom and promises.

Basically, I can say the exact same thing about Parenting a Toddler. I've never done this before. And by 'this' I mean survive the ups and downs of parenting a tiny little dictator. Again, I'm so thankful for Erin's humor-filled parenting advice and her gentle way of pointing me towards Christ! What a breath of fresh air in the parenting book world!

I can guess that I will enjoy The Grade School Years just as much...and probably won't wait 2-3 years to read it!

If you are interested in WINNING The Christian Mama's Guide to Baby's First Year, all you have to do is leave a comment below telling me a little about your bundle of joy! For an additional entry, "like" my facebook page!

All opinions are mine, I was not compensated in any way for this review!

2 things

Two things are BIG in my mind tonight and they don't have anything to do with each other.

1) I'm grateful. I'm grateful that my family is all healthy and safe under the same roof with me tonight. Acts of terrorism, like what happened today at the Boston Marathon, always remind me to be grateful for the ones I love and each and every day I get to spend with them.

2) Tonight's message from Beth Moore, what I got to see, really connected with me and was a great follow up to Pastor Rick's sermon on Sunday. God is working on this heart of mine!! I'll share more as I find words to describe what I'm thinking. :)

Pearls

My pastor hit another home run today...for me anyways. Talking about the pearl of great price parables.

Only once again it home for me in a way I doubt Rick planned on! LOL!

Sullivan has been 'colicky' (for lack of a better explanation) lately and I've been thinking about cutting out dairy to see if that makes a difference.

And today's main point was, in my own words, some things are worth everything.

Obviously my pastor was talking about the Kingdom of Heaven.

I'm talking about a baby who doesn't cry all.the.waking.time.

According to my 'sources' this needs to be an all-in experiment...for an extended period of time.

SO, tomorrow morning, my sad self will be eliminating ALL dairy for at least the next two weeks.

Feel free to cry with me. And pray for me! (And for Sullivan!!)

It's a BOY!!

Well, I've left you hanging about a week...did you figure out that means Castor Oil works?!

A little too well, if you ask me.

I ended up taking 3 doses. About 30 minutes after the 3rd dose I had my first contraction. About an hour later Sullivan Royce was born!

I'll give you the whole story when I have a chance :) Just wanted to share our newest JOY!