Sunday, January 27, 2013

Thank you

I'd like to publicly say thank you to everyone who has been complimenting me on how cute I am pregnant, how healthy I look, how great I look, etc.

Believe it or not, and as conceited as it sounds, I agree with you. I'm in that sweet spot where I'm obviously pregnant, not just looking chubby, but I also don't look ready to explode (although I feel like it).

But the moment is quickly passing!

It's unfortunate that pregnancy is FORTY weeks long, if this were the end- I would be so happy and willing to do this as many times as God saw willing. In fact, just this week my attitude has taken a nose dive.

I'm up sharing because as tired as I am, and I worry that these are the beginnings of a cold I'm feeling, I am absolutely miserable right now. I'm hot. Uncomfortable. Fighting heartburn. And no matter what I do, I simply can not get comfortable in bed.

I have no idea how I am going to survive seven (ish) more weeks of this. I am SO happy to be pregnant and to be adding to our family, but I think I might actually go crazy if I can't get some relief.

Prayers appreciated!

Four more weeks and I'm considered full-term. Then it's game on for "get this baby out of me".

Saturday, January 19, 2013

Picking Rocks

My church has a co-op "farm", really more of a large (1 acre?) garden that I work at as much as I can during the planting/growing/harvesting season and one of the chores is rock picking. Because the soil in our area is so rocky, every year and all season long, we are continually 'picking rocks' out of the growing areas. Why? Because crops grow better without rocks in the way of their roots.

Just like Jesus said.

Mark 4:18-19 (emphasis mine), "Still others, like seed sown among thorns, hear The Word; but the worries of this life, the deceitfulness of wealth and the desires for other things come in and choke The Word making it unfruitful."

Oh man. I just got this in a whole new way today.

Tying in some other verses:

Matthew 6:25-34, (emphasis mine) "Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear....Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they?...And why do you worry about clothes? See how the flowers of the field grow. They do not labor or spin. Yet I tell you that not even Solomon in all his splendor was dressed like one of these. If that is how God clothes the grass of the field...will he not much more clothe you- YOU OF LITTLE FAITH? So do not worry, saying, 'What shall we eat?' or 'What shall we drink?' or 'What shall we wear?' For the pagans run after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them. BUT seek first HIS kingdom and HIS righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own."

SO, if I'm not supposed to worry about tomorrow and the "worries of this life" and do so anyway, I am the rocky soil. AND The Word will be unfruitful in my life. Creating a vicious cycle where I then worry even more.

I've been so worried lately. And this is not my normal state. I'm usually really good at letting go, trusting God, etc. But with Baby #2 almost here and no idea how we're going to survive financially- I've been worried. And I can almost guarantee that this is where my insane nesting urges are coming from- at least in part. If I can't control the money at least I can control the meals in my freezer. Makes sense, right? Except I'm not sleeping and when I am, my sleep is very disturbed by dreams. Many of which are easy to to "interpret" as me working through my worries while trying to rest.

I need to go ROCK PICKING in my heart and mind!! What rocks, (worries of this life, deceitfulness of wealth, and desires for other things) am I letting lay in my soil...and hinder the fruit I'm so desperately praying for.

And I truly believe I have the power to get rid of some of these rocks! Why? Because 2 Corinthians 10 (and other verses) tell me I do.

"For though we live in the world, we do not wage war as the world does. The weapons we fight with are not the weapons of the world. On the contrary, they have divine power to demolish strongholds. We demolish arguments and every pretension that sets itself up against the knowledge of God, and we take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ." 2 Corinthians 10: 4-5

How about you? How is your soil? Your heart? What rocks do you need to pick?

Friday, January 11, 2013

Touché

Ever think you're learning something, starting to get it, confident enough to post about it?

Then in the same 24 hours God decides to give you a pop quiz and you fail. Miserably!

Yeah, I don't know what that feels like either :)

Recovering today. My heart is sad, broken, and heavy.

But it's good. A lot of ugly came out last night and got talked about and apologized for. Planning on replacing that ugly with some Godly today!! Started off great with some more Matthew and Jesus.

And in case I was even tempted to blame someone else for last night, this is what I read this morning:

Matthew 12:34-37 "...For the mouth speaks what the heart is full of. A good man brings good things out of the good stored up in him, and an evil man brings evil things out of the evil stored up in him. But I tell you that everyone will have to give account on the day of judgement for every empty word they have spoken. For by your words you will be acquitted, and by your words you will be condemned." 

I'm not feeling so "good" today. I've got so far to grow.

Thursday, January 10, 2013

Self

I think when you are hurt it is easy and natural (at least for me) to dwell on the situation and what they other person did or said. It's very hard for me to let things go. Including what I did and said. I pick "it" apart, think of things I should have said and the ways I should have said them that might have had a better outcome for everyone involved. I also hate it when someone is mad at me or hurt by me, and I didn't mean to make them feel that way. (I also hate it when someone is mad at me or hurt by me but I knew ahead of time that what I needed to say would have that outcome- this has happened a couple times in my life..and thankfully, I'm back to being friends with both of those ladies!)

Anyways, all that to say, that when you've been hurt and you read your devotions/books, etc and only focus on what the other person did to you, should have done to you, shouldn't have done to you...you are missing out. Missing out on healing and growth...through a lot of ugly and painful work. Sounds fun, huh?! LOL! I wish the healing and personal growth was easy and painless but I've never found that to be true, or even promised.

Hebrews 12:11, "No discipline seems pleasant at the time, but painful. Later on, however, it produces a harvest of righteousness and peace for those who have been trained by it."

This verse came to mind and when I was looking it up I was shocked to see what comes just two verses later,

Hebrews 12:14, "Make every effort to live in peace with everyone and to be holy; without holiness no one will see the Lord."

Pretty crazy that discipline, from your heavenly Father, is tied to living at peace (in unity) with others. I think of it as; if I respond to this "training" (discipline) and grow, the peace I live in will also grow. And that I need to take this very seriously, regardless of how I feel, because without it I won't see the Lord. (Side note: I don't think this means you're unsaved and doomed to hell, I just think it means that a natural consequence of not responding to God's discipline is seeing Him less in your life.)

Anyways, all that to say, God has been working on me pretty consistently for the last couple months (has it already been that long?!) since an "event" occurred. He has consistently been drawing my focus back to "self", the plank in my own eye, the grace and mercy He has shown me and I am therefore required to show to others, that fairness doesn't really have a place in HIS body. And he just did it again.

One of my 2013 goals is to read my Bible regularly. I spent the first week of January without even opening it though and quickly realized I'm way to goal oriented and a list follower to do it successfully randomly. So I found a year-through-the-Bible plan that starts with the New Testament and am quickly getting on track. And loving it!

Here's where he kicked my butt (again) in just the first 2 days of reading:

Matthew 5:38, 43-48 (paraphrased), "...do not resist an evil person. If anyone slaps you (ouch- hurt) on the right cheek, turn to them the other cheek also...but I tell you, love your enemies and pray for those that persecute you, that you may be children of your Father in heaven."

Matthew 7:1-6 (paraphrased), "Why do you look at a speck of sawdust in your brother's (sister's) eye and pay no attention to the plank in your own eye? ... First take the plank out of your own eye, then you will see clearly to remove the speck from your brother's (sister's) eye."

Matthew 7:24-29 (paraphrased) "Everyone who hears these words of mine and puts them into practice is like a wise man who built his house on the rock...when the storm(s) came, it did not fall."

Oh that I could learn lessons quickly and obey immediately. I'm so human. Working through the pain and hurt is taking more time than I imagined or wanted it to. But I'm getting there, and obedience is the goal now! Not justice or fairness, or even receiving an apology. Why? Because I want to be my Father's child. I want to see Him in my life. I want to be built on The Rock, because I know (more) storms will come. Because I've learned through experience that God's ways really are best and His instructions are for my own good.

Now I just wish it was easy:)

Wednesday, January 9, 2013

Home?

I had my 30 week appointment today...now I'm down to every 2 weeks!? This has gone by so fast!!

Now our big decision is are we really crazy enough for a home birth or are we headed to the birthing center?

Time to do some reading, praying, and thinking!!

On a completely different topic: Making a menu for 8 weeks is easy. Making grocery lists is not when trying to decide how to buy for the cheapest. I can't buy all my produce at once, but I can save by getting some things in bulk at Costco. I want it to look as pretty as my menu and it's not right now and it's really bugging me! Don't worry- I'll dream about it tonight and get it all figured out :) I'm that obsessive!

Tuesday, January 8, 2013

Officially nesting

10 weeks until due date and I'm officially and intentionally nesting. I have a super (SUPER) busy January planned- I'm booked everyday I'm available and I know this makes me tired and stressed out and will eat up four of those 10 weeks. Leaving me just 6 until our due date, less if I go early. And since this is baby #2....yeah, we haven't really done much prepping so there is lots to do!

Tonight I got our menu for the next 8.5 weeks planned out. All tried and true recipes (except for 2 or 3). Anything underlined I'm planning on doubling and freezing (or in the case of the pancakes, etc just making double batches of the dry ingredients so I have something easy to pull from the pantry). Anything with an *asterisk* is crockpot (love love love crock-potting)! This should give me 28 freezer meals and 3 prepped breakfast meals. And since tomorrow I'll put in the effort of making 8 weeks worth of grocery lists, I imagine we'll just repeat this when it ends so that my next 8 weeks of grocery lists (minus all the freezer meals) are already prepped! I can just cross things off I don't need.

Here it is, enjoy and steal, and check back in for recipes and updates:)!


Thursday, January 3, 2013

Yep

Yep. I want to be a stay-at-home mom.

That is all tonight.

Wednesday, January 2, 2013

New

New goal for 2013. Be a stay at home mom after March.

I'm all inspired by a couple of blog posts I pinned ages ago and just read tonight.

And by the fact that Pumpkin Pie's entire attitude has changed with me home the last 2.5 weeks. He's still no angel, he's still two but he's calmer and, dare I say it, easier.

I honestly don't care what it takes. It may require us short-selling the house (the only way we could actually sell, besides foreclosure which we don't 'need' to do). I simply can't work with two. I'm failing so much while working with just one.

It makes me sad too because I lovelovelove my job and who gets to say that?! BUT it's a job I can easily go back to when the time is right. And to maintain my "active" status, all I have to do is work 1 day per school year. So I think my goal will be to work 4 (or less) days/month. One day a week for "me" time- to use my adult brain, etc. Especially since both Grandmas and Auntie live near by. If I limit myself to that little work- daycare should never be a problem.

And who knows, maybe God has a plan to keep us in the house too. But it's not me working as much as possible. The house just isn't worth it.

After this Winter Break and seeing the changes in the 2-year-old, nothing else matters to me as much as my little guy and Baby #2. They won't care if we own or rent but our little family of four will know if I'm overworked and over-stressed. Priorities people. Mine are still in diapers and the man who's last name I share:)

Explode

I stayed up late putting Christmas away and ended up needing a snack. All I ate was a small bowl of cereal.

I think I'm going to explode.

There is no way I can grow for 10-12 more weeks!

I must have felt like this with Pumpkin Pie but I can't remember.

How do women do this over and over and over?

Oh yeah, you get a BABY at the end of it!!! I can't WAIT for this one to introduce themselves:) Hoping delivery progresses normally instead of me actually exploding!

Must.eat.less.more.often.