I think when you are hurt it is easy and natural (at least for me) to dwell on the situation and what they other person did or said. It's very hard for me to let things go. Including what I did and said. I pick "it" apart, think of things I should have said and the ways I should have said them that might have had a better outcome for everyone involved. I also hate it when someone is mad at me or hurt by me, and I didn't mean to make them feel that way. (I also hate it when someone is mad at me or hurt by me but I knew ahead of time that what I needed to say would have that outcome- this has happened a couple times in my life..and thankfully, I'm back to being friends with both of those ladies!)
Anyways, all that to say, that when you've been hurt and you read your devotions/books, etc and only focus on what the other person did to you, should have done to you, shouldn't have done to you...you are missing out. Missing out on healing and growth...through a lot of ugly and painful work. Sounds fun, huh?! LOL! I wish the healing and personal growth was easy and painless but I've never found that to be true, or even promised.
Hebrews 12:11, "No discipline seems pleasant at the time, but painful. Later on, however, it produces a harvest of righteousness and peace for those who have been trained by it."
This verse came to mind and when I was looking it up I was shocked to see what comes just two verses later,
Hebrews 12:14, "Make every effort to live in peace with everyone and to be holy; without holiness no one will see the Lord."
Pretty crazy that discipline, from your heavenly Father, is tied to living at peace (in unity) with others. I think of it as; if I respond to this "training" (discipline) and grow, the peace I live in will also grow. And that I need to take this very seriously, regardless of how I feel, because without it I won't see the Lord. (Side note: I don't think this means you're unsaved and doomed to hell, I just think it means that a natural consequence of not responding to God's discipline is seeing Him less in your life.)
Anyways, all that to say, God has been working on me pretty consistently for the last couple months (has it already been that long?!) since an "event" occurred. He has consistently been drawing my focus back to "self", the plank in my own eye, the grace and mercy He has shown me and I am therefore required to show to others, that fairness doesn't really have a place in HIS body. And he just did it again.
One of my 2013 goals is to read my Bible regularly. I spent the first week of January without even opening it though and quickly realized I'm way to goal oriented and a list follower to do it successfully randomly. So I found a year-through-the-Bible plan that starts with the New Testament and am quickly getting on track. And loving it!
Here's where he kicked my butt (again) in just the first 2 days of reading:
Matthew 5:38, 43-48 (paraphrased), "...do not resist an evil person. If anyone slaps you (ouch- hurt) on the right cheek, turn to them the other cheek also...but I tell you, love your enemies and pray for those that persecute you, that you may be children of your Father in heaven."
Matthew 7:1-6 (paraphrased), "Why do you look at a speck of sawdust in your brother's (sister's) eye and pay no attention to the plank in your own eye? ... First take the plank out of your own eye, then you will see clearly to remove the speck from your brother's (sister's) eye."
Matthew 7:24-29 (paraphrased) "Everyone who hears these words of mine and puts them into practice is like a wise man who built his house on the rock...when the storm(s) came, it did not fall."
Oh that I could learn lessons quickly and obey immediately. I'm so human. Working through the pain and hurt is taking more time than I imagined or wanted it to. But I'm getting there, and obedience is the goal now! Not justice or fairness, or even receiving an apology. Why? Because I want to be my Father's child. I want to see Him in my life. I want to be built on The Rock, because I know (more) storms will come. Because I've learned through experience that God's ways really are best and His instructions are for my own good.
Now I just wish it was easy:)