Fail

Day two and I've already 'failed'. It's 10pm and I'm just now getting to my 2 big rocks.

And it's obvious that of all days I should have started with God, this is one of them. I have SO, so, SO far to go- God has his work cut out for him! That's the honest part. I'm not perfect. I'm a task oriented person. My people skills are by biggest weakness.

The other part is I'm feeling really attacked tonight. Like all the voices in my head are beating me down. And there's only one someone who thinks that means victory. Ephesians 6:12 "For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms."

Even knowing that, it's a hard fight. My spirit is wounded and Satan know right where to hit and what words to use.

Tonight, especially, I miss having a small group. But God moved all but one of them out of state (and that one he took to Africa for a year). Praying Pleading with God to bring me a new one. I need one desperately if I'm going to survive marriage and parenthood and life.

Monday weigh-in

Well, I forgot to weigh myself yesterday morning...and didn't do it today until after I'd eaten breakfast, so I'm going to blame all that on what the scale said: 164.3.

Even though I'm not a scale addict, I'd really like that number to be lower. Like 135-ish.

Let's not even talk about my diet, okay? Suffice it to say, it's been a stressful busy week and I've gained a pound.

Yesterday I started two 30 day challenges: Squats and Push-ups.

I'm doing the squats in sets of 10 for now, maybe I'll bump up to sets of 20 or 30 as the month progresses. The push-ups I'm doing on my knees and because that's so much easier (read: doable), I'm adding a zero and doing them in sets. For example: Today is day 2 and I'm supposed to do 4 push-ups. Since I can't do 4, I'm going to do 4 sets of 10 on my knees. I might go through this challenge a second time doing regular push-ups next month. 

So far (1 day) this is working really well with my busy crazy life right now. I don't have the option of getting a 30-60 minute uninterrupted workout in, so doing some strength training spread throughout the day is making me feel like I'm at least on track!

Join me?!!

Rocks 1 and 2

There are two big rocks that I'm severely neglecting that have to be priorities starting now.

1) God and 2) my physical health (getting my strength back)

1: God will never not be a part of my everyday but what is missing is time in the Word. Such a hard thing to make time for with the busyness of life. I used to thirst for my daily quiet times...now with little running around and stealing my sleep, I have a harder time making the time- and I need it more than ever. For their sake. For my sake. For the sake of everyone around me. SO, this is my first big rock. Every day for the next 28 (that's how long to make a habit, right?)

2: Pregnancy has a way of adding pounds and eating muscle. And I desperately need mine back...to protect my back! And set an example for my boys. SO, this is my second big rock every day for, you guessed it, the next 28 days.

Because I can't do anything without a plan: I'm starting the New Testament again- I've already read through it once this year but just don't feel up for the OT. This time, slower, deeper, and more journaling (here and on paper). As far as getting my physical strength back, I also have a plan. Simple (stole it from facebook) 30 day challenges. Pushups and squats. Start off small, add to the number each day. That's my minimum. On days that I can, I'll do a pilates or yoga dvd. On days that I can and it's nice enough, I'll get in a walk.

Check back on Mondays for updates! Once these two habits are firmly established, I'll move onto some other big rocks...and hopefully, the smaller ones just fall into place.

Off to a rough start

I told you I hate the word "diet". And for good reason. It's not maintainable if its not a life-style change. And changing your life-style isn't easy. Especially when you've bitten off more than you can chew and you're too busy to adequately prepare healthy meals and snacks (appropriate analogy wouldn't you say:).

So, on day two of my August "diet", I failed miserably with food and didn't get a workout in either.

I'm going to try and do something new with this though. I'm going to try not to care and get right back to it tomorrow. Usually, I have to wait until the next Monday or 1st of the month or whatever. I like to make "fresh" starts and do things perfectly. I know, I know, that's totally unrealistic so...

here's to tomorrow. A fresh start!

Balance

I imagine I will address the topic of balance frequently as it seems to be the thing most missing in my life right now. Tonight though I'm contemplating balancing a healthy body with the realities of breastfeeding, teething, and broken sleep. I'm fairly open about my experience with bulemia during college but the opportunity to talk about it doesn't present itself often. Because of my personal experience with it, and the experiences of other close to me with both bulemia and anorexia, I am very aware that our American culture puts a lot of pressure on everyone, but women especially, to look a certain way. I am very aware of chosing to want to be healthy not just skinny. So I try to use more than the scale to evaluate my body. With all of that said, I would still like to look like a model and still struggle with liking what I see in the mirror. And what I see in the mirror post-baby is even harder to like. So I'm trying, very hard, to maintain my mental balance. I need to 1) love me (my body) as a vessel of life and accept that it will never  look the same again and 2) I do need to lose weight and build back some muscle tone. The problem with this plan...his name is Griffin, he's about 20lbs, in the process of teething, and he still wakes up on average 3-5 times a night. Except lately, it's been every 30-90 minutes!

So now I'm struggling (read thinking about it all the time) with wanting to work out, wanting to start losing weight and getting back into shape and waiting patiently for the proper time to do so, without waiting too long of course. Balance, balance, balance. It's so easy, in theory. The plan for now, is to make wise choices with food. Sleep (nap) as often as possible. And make working out a higher priority. We have a treadmill in the garage, I own multiple workout dvds, and I have an assortment of strollers to choose from depending on the number of kids I have that day. And in theory, the weather should be getting nicer and warmer since its already mid-June!

I should probably start this new plan by saying goodnight! The baby's been sleeping for almost 2 hours and I've enjoyed some facebook time, a game of spider solitare, and a shower (all by myself!). Who knows? This could be the night he sleeps all night long. Or he'll wake me up just after I drift off again! But I love it and wouldn't change a thing.