Balance

I imagine I will address the topic of balance frequently as it seems to be the thing most missing in my life right now. Tonight though I'm contemplating balancing a healthy body with the realities of breastfeeding, teething, and broken sleep. I'm fairly open about my experience with bulemia during college but the opportunity to talk about it doesn't present itself often. Because of my personal experience with it, and the experiences of other close to me with both bulemia and anorexia, I am very aware that our American culture puts a lot of pressure on everyone, but women especially, to look a certain way. I am very aware of chosing to want to be healthy not just skinny. So I try to use more than the scale to evaluate my body. With all of that said, I would still like to look like a model and still struggle with liking what I see in the mirror. And what I see in the mirror post-baby is even harder to like. So I'm trying, very hard, to maintain my mental balance. I need to 1) love me (my body) as a vessel of life and accept that it will never  look the same again and 2) I do need to lose weight and build back some muscle tone. The problem with this plan...his name is Griffin, he's about 20lbs, in the process of teething, and he still wakes up on average 3-5 times a night. Except lately, it's been every 30-90 minutes!

So now I'm struggling (read thinking about it all the time) with wanting to work out, wanting to start losing weight and getting back into shape and waiting patiently for the proper time to do so, without waiting too long of course. Balance, balance, balance. It's so easy, in theory. The plan for now, is to make wise choices with food. Sleep (nap) as often as possible. And make working out a higher priority. We have a treadmill in the garage, I own multiple workout dvds, and I have an assortment of strollers to choose from depending on the number of kids I have that day. And in theory, the weather should be getting nicer and warmer since its already mid-June!

I should probably start this new plan by saying goodnight! The baby's been sleeping for almost 2 hours and I've enjoyed some facebook time, a game of spider solitare, and a shower (all by myself!). Who knows? This could be the night he sleeps all night long. Or he'll wake me up just after I drift off again! But I love it and wouldn't change a thing.