Monday, September 23, 2013

Heart work

Ugh. I'm so tired of crying all the time over every little thing. I feel like a tweenage girl.

I really miss having a small group that I can be open and honest with- thank goodness for the interwebs.

Why am I so fickle and so easily hurt/upset. Over DUMB things. Like other people getting new cars. Or being selfish, like they always are. Or having friendships you wish you had. Why does it suck so much to try and do things 'right' and watch everyone else pass you by, doing it 'wrong' and seemingly happy about it all.

Just feeling like a lonely oddball tonight. And feeling sorry for myself. It's pretty ugly.

You know, when you get upset over one thing and then you just start crying over everything that has ever gone wrong, or hurt you, or isn't fair.

And then you feel guilty because there are hostages in a Nairobi shopping mall, and Christians in Pakistan have been picking up body parts of their family members for two days after a bomb went off outside their church, and there is so much garbage that animals all around the world are dying, and Diana just lost another son (that makes 3 sons in heaven), and on and on and on.

And then you just plain feel exhausted of life not being fair for you or anyone and wondering where in the world is God in all this pain, even though you know He's right there in the midst of it all...it doesn't always feel like it.

Please tell me I'm not the only one who has nights like this.

Ugh. I seriously hate social media on nights like this. I un-"show in newsfeed"-ed a bunch of people and pages tonight in an effort to stabilize this emotional rollercoaster. I may have to just quite it. Like I did with music. For my emotional sanity I pretty much only listen to worship music now. Even though I love other music, I just get so moody, it's not even worth it.

Anywhoo...here's praying for a good night's rest and some stability in the morning.

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