Tuesday, October 4, 2011

I-dentity

I've read enough books to know I'm normal...but getting here and being here is still a shock. Yet another experience I thought only other people dealt with.

I'm talking about feeling like you're losing yourself, your "you-ness", your identity in mommyhood.

My husband, totally innocently, recommended that I drop something from my schedule because I'm so busy...and sometimes that results in me feeling overwhelmed. Not always, but occasionally.

Poor guy didn't know what was coming.

It was a therapeutic conversation since it helped me verbalize what I'm feeling. And it's helped both of us figure out how to help me!

Now I know that I need to hold onto some of the things I love FOR ME. And I can ask the hubs to help me keep them. Because a happy wife equals a happy life! LOL!

But seriously, becoming a mother seriously affects every aspect of a woman's life. You give up your body to feed them, your sleep to comfort them, your work (however briefly or long) to nurture them. You give up showering alone, making dinner with 2 hands, doing anything quickly and efficiently. You literally have to fight (the little one and sometimes the big one) for quiet time, a work out, a pedicure, time in the yard...and I guess what I just realized is that I NEED some of that, enough to ask for it, fight for it, and force it to happen.

I NEED an hour a week at The Farm, weeding, planting, picking, sweating. I NEED to make dinner (occasionally) without someone whining and crying at my feet. I NEED a long hot bath that the kiddo sleeps all the way through. I NEED an outlet where I can use my professional skills and adult vocabulary.

I made it almost 11 months without realizing this. Without being able to articulate it. I'm so burned out from putting Griffin's needs first, I'm glad I made this realization before I actually went crazy.

I'm excited to have Ryan on my team. I'm excited that Griffin is getting more closer to independence (from me) everyday. And I'm excited to intentionally start adding things FOR ME back into my days, weeks, and months. Who knows...maybe I'll end up well balanced before baby #2 comes along and messes it all up again?!

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