Tuesday, November 8, 2011

Roller coasters

My poor emotions. They are just riding a roller coaster and they have no idea how to get off. Newly pregnant friends, friends expecting any day, fresh new beautiful babies, babies having open heart surgery (www.masongarka.com). And that's just on the baby front. Happy, jealous, worried. Up, down, and all around.

Both the hubs and I are working lots which doesn't leave us a lot of family time. He's lucky if he gets to spend 1 hour with the toddler awake. Kinda makes me glad we ended up co-sleeping, we're at least getting snuggles...lots and lots of those. The last couple nights have been back to poor sleeping. The good new on that...since I moved the crib into our room (sidecar arrangement), I've been taking more naps and going to bed earlier because I simply fall asleep while waiting for the kid to do so too! Yesterday I was asleep by 7pm!

And I am struggling with how to love and serve him and the kid, patiently, humbly and kindly. Being a working mom is way harder than I thought it would be. Not because I'm actually doing too much but because I feel so un-understood. I know that's not a word but misunderstood doesn't seem to convey the right meaning. I simply mean, I feel like there's no understanding of how hard it is to feed a baby 3-5 times a night (it's been over a year since I slept longer than 3 hours at a time), work all day, pick the kid (or kids) up from daycare, come home and squeeze in quality time with kid/kids, clean and make dinner, clean up and get ready for the next day, do bath time and bed time. Is it any surprise I've only worked out like 10 times in the last year? Or that I'm a month behind on my bible reading? I'm sure I'm neglecting him and he feels the same way (un-understood). Now I just pray about what I need to do and let God worry about him. I usually just end up picking a fight and saying hurtful things when I try to fix the situation:)

God is good and this too shall pass. I'm going to go climb into bed with the baby, hope daddy joins us soon!

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