Wednesday, February 8, 2012

Butterfly

If you have kids you've probably read Eric Carle's The Very Hungry Caterpillar. I read it last night to Griffin and I was struck by just how beautiful the butterfly is. I want one to hang on a wall in my house! But unfortunately I don't have $100 to spend so frivolously. (http://www.potterybarnkids.com/products/eric-carle-wall-art/)

I've been thinking of the word REEMERGE a lot lately and the book and the artwork just hit home. It's been almost 2 years since I got pregnant and I feel like I, ME, SARAH am back! Please understand that I love my son more than anything else EVER but I feel like pregnancy and motherhood, up until this point, swallowed me whole. I wasn't even out of the first trimester before my husband wondered aloud where his type A wife had gone and who was this woman who did nothing and didn't care about doing nothing.

I have a friend who is currently pregnant and is clearly not affected the same way I was. The other day she asked me how many grams of protein I ate every day while pregnant. I just stared at her. It took awhile before I was able to answer, "uh- I don't know. I just ate whatever I wanted, whenever I wanted". Did I mention she's still running and working out and is 6 months along. And she looks AWESOME. (And that I hate her. Not really. I think it's just envy I'm feeling!)

I literally didn't work out for over a year, almost 2. And I've run marathons and done triathlons. And it wasn't like I couldn't, I wasn't on bed rest or injured or anything. I just didn't want to AT ALL and on top of it, I didn't care AT ALL. I literally couldn't have cared less. So far from my "normal" neurotic self. I mean, normally I at least have the decency to feel guilty when I don't work out:)

But lately "I've" been coming back. I've felt bouncy and itchy for a good run. And I've DONE it! And I'm loving it!

This reemergence isn't limited to working out. I've been reading my bible again. Craving it and making time for it. And cleaning. Another habit I feel pregnancy and motherhood stole from me until now.

I just feel like Eric Carle's butterfly! I'm the old me plus this new role of Mommy and instead of diminishing me, I'm emerging from my cocoon of the last 2 years even better and more beautiful than I was before. Please don't think I'm being conceited. I'm certainly not talking about physical beauty...I'm definitely a mommy now and have the body to prove it. I'm talking about ME, my soul and the essence of who I AM. I love, love, LOVE being Ryan's wife, Griffin's mom, a substitute teacher at Cedarcrest, homemaker, runner, reader, neat freak, ME! I like being BACK!

Hopefully just in time to get pregnant again:) LOL! I'm ready for another!

1 comment:

  1. Awakenings. They are the best source of hope in my life. When Something new is formed along side of the old things I loved.

    This is awesome Sarah. I really hope you get your second baby soon. But as you so faithfully have said to me many time, its in his timing.

    Thanks for sharing

    Kelli

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