Excuses

Some will call this an excuse. I call it a damn good reason.

It's the beginning of the year and people all over facebook are talking about their health and fitness resolutions and I'm somewhat envious but also somewhat relieved to not be joining in this year.

Of course one of my goals is to lose the 'baby' weight and get back into shape. But I'm being honest this year and not even bothering to make it a priority. You know why?

Because I haven't slept longer than 3-4 hours at a stretch in 3.5 years. And that's on a good night.

Because I've been pregnant or nursing for four years.

And I don't see that changing anytime soon. I nursed Griffin until he was beyond 2 and imagine Sullivan will do the same.And as crazy as it sounds, I'd rather keep things the way the are because I love co-sleeping and extended breastfeeding.

That's not to say it's always easy. Or ever easy. Or that every minute of everyday it's what I want.

But it IS what I want and what I feel lead to/called to.

And it will end soon enough. And then, then I will be able to change my priorities without sacrificing something I can only have once, now, when my babies are babies.

I will never wish I had spent less time snuggled up next to them, feeding them, smelling their intoxicating milk-breath. There is nothing, not even a bikini-body, worth sacrificing all that for.

And if you know me and my history, to be able to say that, to be able to let go of all of that and rest peacefully in what is now- that's pretty amazing. It makes me a little proud to see tangibly how I've grown, how I've learned to relax, how I've finally learned to prioritize relationships over checking things off my to-do list.

That and I saw an old friend last week who's youngest is a few months older than my oldest. And she looks AMAZING. And I know, I just know, that I will get there again when I'm out of the babies phase because I miss it. I miss sweating and pushing myself. But now, for me, it just isn't the time.

So my goal for 2014? To just enjoy life. To move and sweat when I can. To eat what I can and need to- focusing on healthy choices but with no rules, after all- I am still breastfeeding :) And to worry about results when my body is all mine again.

And that's why I'm a little envious of people who have made different parenting choices (formula, CIO) and sleep full nights and have the energy and ability to focus on themselves. Good luck in 2014, I'll catch up next year:)