Friday, August 16, 2013

Change

Change has to happen. It just has to.

I feel like a rubber-band that has been pulled tight for too long.

I'm feeling hopeless that our house will sell. After all the angst over deciding what to do, we are finally both on the same page at the same time...and it just sits. It's depressing and discouraging. I feel like God gave us both a vision of simplicity, smaller and simpler living, and it's not within reach. And at the same time, I wouldn't mind staying...just not with things the way they are. This is too much house for us, so I want God to fill it up. And to give us the means to afford it. Because we're so barely making it right now, it's so hard to constantly say 'no' because we can't afford a single thing. There are so many things I wish we could do but this stupid house and mortgage keep us from them. Like Visioncast, our annual church retreat. $100/person. Nope. Like an occasional date. HA! Not when we're using our church's foodbank just to keep food on the table. Like a camping trip. Or a Mariner's game. Nope. Can't do it.

I'm quitting facebook for awhile because it's not helping. It's making it so much worse to see everyone else doing all the things we can't.

I need set boundaries. To focus on the Truth instead of my feelings.

Truth I need to hear tonight: Hebrews 13: 5-6, "Keep your lives free from the love of money and be content with what you have, because God has said, 'Never will I leave you; never will I forsake you.' SO we say with confidence, 'The LORD is my helper; I will not be afraid. What can mere mortals do to me?'"

So even though I'm feeling left out, abandoned, hopeless, tired, angry, depressed, discouraged, useless-  MY GOD IS HERE. I am NOT alone. I have NOT been abandoned. I have hope. I have a HELPER.

I WILL NOT BE AFRAID. What can mere mortals do to me?

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