I've really been struggling the last couple of days. I do think I can attribute most of this emotional rollercoaster to postpartum craziness...but just because I know that doesn't mean it's any easier.
Not being allowed to attend my church's women's retreat with my 10 week old...still bothering me. In fact, it's bothering me more, not less, over time. Double in fact, I'm still crying about it. I'm still dumbfounded that other women can't remember how desperate they were for fellowship and connection when the kids were little. I can't believe they aren't willing to open up to 'us' and be a mentor/life preserver. It hurts my feelings in a very profound way, it makes me feel unwelcome and unwanted somewhere that I consider my home and family even more so than the ones I'm related too. I've been going to this church for almost twenty years and for the first time I am seriously considering leaving.
These are the people who loved me through my teenage years. Because they've invested so much into my life, I'm going to talk with a few leaders and get their opinions, seek their advice. I need to know if the attitude/culture is changeable or if I'm just not their target audience. Because that's okay (me not being their target audience) but if that's the case, I want to be a part of a body of Christ that is family friendly. And by that I mean so much more than has a rocking Children's church full of volunteers. I mean that people enjoy seeing you and your kids and welcome the little ones into the service. I'm not asking to let my 2 year old run rampant but he shouldn't be hidden in a nursery somewhere because he might distract an adult. Don't get me wrong, I love the nursery- in fact I run ours- but I wonder if we aren't missing out on some of God's blessing because kids are treated as an annoyance instead of a blessing (at least during the service). .
I need to know what's going on with my church, where my leadership falls because we're selling our house and looking at rentals. If' I'm looking for a new church as well, that expands our search area and could make a big difference.