I've made a few posts tonight ;)
It's so good to get it out, to let it go.
Because, ultimately, at the end of the day I want what HE wants. And I believe without a doubt that HIS ways are higher than mine.
And as I process all these feelings, I find comfort in David's psalm:
The Lord is my shepherd, I lack nothing.
He makes me lie down in green pastures,
He leads me beside quiet waters,
HE refreshes my soul.
He guides me along the right paths,
for His name's sake.
Even though I walk through the darkest valley,
I will fear no evil,
for you are with me;
your rod and your staff,
they comfort me.
You prepare a table before me,
in the presence of my enemies.
You anoint my head with oil;
my cup overflows.
Surely your goodness and love will follow me
all the days of my life,
and I will dwell in the house of the Lord forever.
There really is nothing else, is there? It all comes back to Him. It all comes from Him in the first place. Who am I but a servant? This is not about me. These first world problems that I face. These emotions I struggle with. I live this life because I was rescued and redeemed, and it is an honor to give it back to my Savior. What a measly offering, this broken and sickly heart of mine. I am in awe that He can see and create beauty in it at all.
Goodnight. May peace be yours tonight, as it is finally mine.