Yesterday I woke up still feeling really sorry for myself and sad that another friend has been able to get pregnant while we still haven't.
So I got my weepy butt onto the treadmill and cranked up the worship music- I've never cried during a run before but I found two
The first one was This Day by Steven Curtis Chapman. This song really spoke to me that nothing has changed! Just because another friend is pregnant doesn't mean God has suddenly forgotten or abandoned me. My hope and faith that He will grow our family in His timing and His way (pregnancy, adoption, etc.) has not changed. And most importantly I still trust Him. I know that His way will be way better than I can even imagine.
Yesterday the sky was bright and clear
I could see the sun and I could hear the song
Faith flowed like a river free and deep
And grace was not so hard to be believed
But that was yesterday
And what was close enough to touch
Now seems a world away
So what about this day
This day all His mercies are new
This day every promise is true
Father, help me to believe
Give me faith I need to know You
And trust You this day
This day
Who knows what tomorrow's light will bring
Tears to cry or maybe songs to sing out loud
But only God can see that far away
And He made us for living day by day
'Cause He wants us to see
That the God that He's been every day of history
Is who He is this day
'Cause You are the same yesterday and today and forever
Through every season Your truth and Your grace never change
Oh, Lord, I do believe that the God that You've been every day of history
Is who You are this day
This day...this day
This day Your mercies are new
This day Your promise is true
This day my hope is in You, Lord
This day
The second song was Wonder Why by Avalon. This one was a big piece of humble pie reminding me about what really matters (eternity) and that my calling is bigger than another pregnancy. I am already in the midst of all that God has called me to do- my marriage, my one child, all the friends, neighbors, acquaintances he's placed in my life- they are there specifically. I need to be focusing on living my life so that they are drawn closer to Christ not pushed further away. I need to quit sitting on the couch, eating and pouting, waiting to get pregnant- waiting for my life to start- and start living my life. For crying out loud, it's God given and amazing! I don't want to waste another day!
Why, Why, tell me do you wonder why
Some can look so hard and miss the truth
Some wills tumble over it a hundred times
And never ever see the living proof
Well, there's a kind of love the world could never deny
Let everybody see it in our lives
The world will wonder why
If you and I will shine His light
And hearts will discover life when we decide
To let ours go
We've got to give it up
And live the love
That opened our eyes
Live your life
The world will wonder why
Why, why, someone try and tell me why
We would want it any other way
A heart could change before our very eyes
Well, I've seen the difference love can make
Where is the kind of love this world could never explain
It's time to live the gospel unashamed
If we were living with a passion
What would be the reaction
I know a single heart can change the world
If we were loving with a strong love
Then their eyes would see
And the world might believe
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